


Book Worm

by AvalonBell



Category: Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Highschool AU, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Teenagers, highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8289394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvalonBell/pseuds/AvalonBell
Summary: Phil is the kid in school who is almost invisible. Not that he cares, he's always too busy getting lost in the world of a good book at any second he gets. Dan on the other hand has just about anything but a book in his hand. It's not Dan's fault that he can't pick up a book. He blames his own damned mind for not allowing him to be able to read a sentence without frustration. So, when the book worm is assigned with the party animal  to do a book report and make a novel "come to life" it's not a surprise that they don't really click well. But, as time goes on they might realize just how much one book can bring even polar opposites together.Warnings: Use of Drugs/Alcohol, Suggestions of abuse and self harm/suicide





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So, I'm back on Ao3 after my last story and I've actually decided to start writing a new one (obviously). I have already started writing a few chapters of this, but over all I'm going into this story and writing it as the days go on. I hope you guys enjoy this first chapter. Any comments and kudos are greatly appreciated(especially if they are feedback on if the story is going alright).
> 
> I'll stop talking now.
> 
> Enjoy ^^

**Dan's POV**

Dan yells above the crowd he was in the middle of, raising his drink. "Cheers, to a new semester of hell!" He yells out and is then mirrored by everyone else around him. He takes his shot that he thought was just beer; honestly, he was just way too drunk to care.

After his small announcement, he pushes out of the crowd, trying hard not to stumble over himself. He looks around the place to notice a girl approaching him. He straightens up and shoots her a charming smile. "Jessica, hey. What's up, you enjoying the party?"

She shoots Dan a devious grin, they both know exactly where this was going. "Yeah, I suppose so." She steps closer to Dan and places one hand on his shoulder. "But, I feel like I might enjoy it a lot more if you take me upstairs and show me your room." She whispers in his ear, her other hand already playing around with the button of Dan's jeans.

Dan places a soft kiss on her lips. "Of course. I'm sure you'll enjoy it." He answers in a devious and quiet voice.

Dan then grabs her hand and leads her up the steps into a room that had been introduced to about every student at his school. And, maybe a handful of teachers as well.

~~~~~

**January 11th, Monday**

**Phil's POV**

"Hey, Dan! That party last night was great, man." Phil heard a loud voice boom, accompanied with the loud sound of hands colliding.

He looks up to see both Dan and his friend Chris take a seat where they normally sat, a table in front of Phil. Of course, he knew their names. He knew literally everyone's names in this god forsaken hell hole. But, of course no one knew his, not that he minded really. Phil liked being left alone everyday and just being able to listen in on school drama since it didn't seem his classmates even acknowledge his presence. He figured it was better than being bullied or something.

Phil wasn't surprised when a few other students came in and gathered around Dan, thanking him for the awesome party last night. Dan always threw a party the day before every term. It would also signify the last time he would fuck his semester date. That's just how the boy was from what Phil heard, not that Dan's sex life was any of his business. But, from the gossip Phil always heard, Dan was always the life of the party. He was also infamous for having a new person on his shoulder every term, and the funny thing was, the girls who got with him were aware of their limited time.

Phil concluded that Dan was just another idiot who would end up being some kind of drug dealer in life. It wouldn't surprise him if majority of his classmates ended up that way in all honesty. They all ended up going to some party every term to get drunk off their ass even when they were well aware they would have to wake up bright and early for school the next morning, now with the most unbearable hang over.

"Hey, so how was last night?" PJ, another friend of Dan's, asks coming up and leaning his arms against the front of his desk. "Y'know, with Jessica n' all..." He trails off, shooting Dan a suggestive wink.

That's right, Jessica was the one chick on Dan's shoulder last term. It's a shame, Phil actually thought that girl might have the intelligence to know a guy like Dan would just ruin her.

A devious smirk plays across his face. "Oh god dude, you have literally no idea. That girl sure  did give me one hell of a show last night in that bedroom-"

Before Dan can continue, their teacher comes walking in, sending PJ to his seat all the way across the room. Phil silently thanks the teacher for his appearance. He was so tired of hearing Dan's night in the bedrooms at the start of every term.

"Good morning, class. Today, I have a wonderful thing to announce. I will be assigning you all a project!" He announces and a chorus of groans initiates around the room.

Phil's head pricks up at the sound of a project, especially since this was English, meaning it would likely be some kind of book report.

"Alright, so I will assign you all a partner to work with-" Phil's head quickly falls at the sound of this.

Why did he have to ruin such a wonderful thing by adding some kind of social interaction to it?

"Together, you will choose what book you will both read, meaning this will definitely need to be worked on outside of school as well. After reading this book, you will then collectively decide with your partner how to "bring the book alive!" Per sé. I don't care how you show it or what book it is so long as it is a novel and everything is appropriate, understood? Okay, I will now announce your partners and you may then get together and start discussing what book you will both be reading."

After this, the teacher begins calling names. Phil supposes this project shouldn't be too bad. He could easily just tell his partner that he would do everything and give them as much credit as they wanted. This could be fun, even with a partner, Phil decides.

"Philip Lester and Daniel Howell,"

Fuck.

Scratch that. This cannot be fun. There was no way in hell this could be fun anymore, _especially_ with a partner.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! So, I've decided to just give you an update since it is Monday and Monday's are always pretty "ugh" for me. I hope this next chapter can help brighten up you Monday a bit!  
> Sadly, no fluff or anything yet, but don't worry, that stuff is on the way :3!!!  
> Enjoy~

**Phil's POV-**

Phil holds back a groan, not wanting to be rude since he was well aware Dan was right in front of him. He couldn't work with him though, there was just no way. Phil was just the quiet kid in the corner, always up for a good read and Dan... Well, to put it nicely, he was the school slut who didn't know how to shut up even if it saved his life.

Dan nudges Chris beside him after all partners have been assigned. "Hey, who is Philip?" He whispers.

You'd think because of Dan's high reputation he'd know just about everybody in this school. It's now that Phil realizes that the prick doesn't even know who he is. He let's out an obnoxious cough so he could get both of their attentions. He doesn't say anything, he just looks over at Dan raising his eyebrows in annoyance.

"That's your guy." Chris says simply, standing up and cupping Dan on the shoulder as he walks over to PJ.

Those two were always assigned together, Phil wonders what they had to do to bribe the teacher into doing that.

Phil can tell Dan is holding back both a groan and an eye roll. But, he only stands up and takes the empty seat next to Phil. He leans back on the chair, placing his feet on the table as a foot rest. "So," He begins, shooting Phil his signature charming smile. "What'll it be..." He trails off and Phil knows he's already forgotten his name. "Philip?" He finishes, acting as if that was some kind of smooth recovery.

Phil let's out a sigh and rolls his eyes. "It's just Phil." He answers simply. "Look, I'm going to be honest with you, I don't want a partner for this project even a little bit. So, if you will let me just handle everything that would be much appreciated. I'll give you as much credit as you like, alright?" He explains, looking over at Dan.

His face scrunches up slightly in response. "What? You want me to just pin everything on you. No way dude, I need to have a part in this project too." Dan protest, sitting up in his chair and removing his feet from the table.

"But, I'll just say you had a part in it. It's fine really, I love English projects like these. That way you can go on and have more free time for your parties or whatever and-"

"Woah, woah, woah. Look "just Phil", I know people make me out to be some kind of party animal or whatever, and let's be honest, a party really isn't a party without me at this school," Dan brags and Phil holds back and eye roll -- This project was going to be the death of him. "But I'm not just gonna put this all on you. I mean, I don't want to."

Phil doesn't find the point in arguing, he'd probably end up doing everything anyways despite what Dan said. "Alright, fine. If you want to actually do this, then what book do you want to report on?"

He grins, seeming quite happy at his success in the discussion. "I dunno, you're the book nerd, you can choose."

Phil had to admit, being called a book nerd kind of hurt. But, it was true so he couldn't really complain about this label. "Alright then, let's see..." He thinks for a moment, trying to figure out what books he had a duplicate of at home. "How about 'Always Running'?" He suggests, pulling out his own copy from his bag.

"Always Running? Kind of a dumb title don't you think? It's so simple, so... vague. But, it's whatever floats your boat I guess. Meet me in the library around lunch and we can start." Dan states simply, standing up and walking over to PJ and Chris.

Phil rolls his eyes again and he's sure by the end of this project his eyes are going to fall out from rolling them so much. What the hell was up with this dude? He was rude but at the same time he always spoke in such a polite tone. And that damn smile. Phil couldn't lie, it was one hell of a smile, it's no wondering everyone in this school falls for him. To think it wasn't even the smile either. Phil's scared to even imagine what that looks like.

**Dan's POV-**

"Hey you guys! How's this dumb project going for you two?" Dan asks, leaning in between Chris and PJ and wrapping his arms around them both.

PJ pushes Dan's arm off with a small grin. "It's going. We don't really care to be honest, we'll get it done eventually y'know?"

He pulls up a chair and sits down in it backwards. "Yeah, get done with picking the book eventually? Totally." He replies sarcastically, quickly being shoved by Chris.

"Shut up. How are things with you and mister nerd over there?"

Dan shrugs. "It's alright I guess. He wanted me to just let him do everything, but I didn't want to put all that shit on him. Other than that, he just seems kind of closed in, and he's also basing my personality off of the stuff you little shits spread." He explains with a grin at his last sentence.

"What, that you're the party animal of the school, or that you fuck anything you can get your hands on?" Chris asks with a laugh.

Dan pushes him roughly. "Fuck you," He laughs. Dan looks over at Phil, studying him carefully.

He had already gone back to reading whatever it was the teacher interrupted. If he was being honest, he found it fascinating how Phil could just shut out the world and get lost in a completely different one. He looked so calm despite his annoyed appearance earlier when Dan was over there. Dan turns back to his friends, deciding to not study the boy too much otherwise he might think Dan was checking him out or something.

"He's not that bad really from what I saw. He's just better by himself I guess. I told him to meet me in the library at lunch, so don't go looking for me."

"Why, are you going to steal the spot you and Amy had and mark him in the storage closet of the library?" PJ snorts.

Dan rolls his eyes playfully. "Shut up, we're just working on the project. We're reading some story called 'Always Running' or whatever. I don't even know what it's about, didn't really give him a chance to explain anything. I was too anxious to get back to you dumb asses!" He exclaims, ruffling both their hairs.

They are both quickly slapping Dan away in a fit of laughter. "You suck mate," Chris says simply, fixing his hair. "Hey, what do you say we get out of this class and... do our thing? I figured we'd do it now since you won't be there at lunch to join us." He suggests in a hushed voice.

Dan pauses for a moment. He wasn't really up for getting high right now, he couldn't explain why, but he just wasn't in the mood. He shrugs. "I dunno, maybe we can just go for a nice smoke. I'm not really in the mood to get fucked up right now." Dan explains.

"Alright, that's fine by us. Just know that we aren't saving you a drag later at lunch." PJ states, grinning.

Dan grins back in return. "Ah, it's fine. I'll just get some from someone after school if I really want it." He stands up and puts the chair back where it was originally. "I'll meet you two in the bathrooms, then we can migrate to our usual spot, yeah?" He asks before asking to use the restrooms after getting nods of approval from both Chris and PJ.

Lunch break, Phil's POV

Phil takes a seat at one of the tables closest to the door of the library, awaiting Dan's arrival. He had little hope for him to show up, but it'd be rude if he did come and Dan figured Phil had forgot about him when in reality he was in the corner of the room just as he always was. It's not until about two or three chapters into his book that Phil decides Dan isn't going to show.

He starts to pick up his stuff and heads to his usual spot when the doors of the library swing open and sure enough it's Dan bursting through. "Phil!-"

The librarian quickly shushes Dan, accompanied by a dirty scowl. Dan shoots her an apologetic smile and follows after Phil, who had little intentions to stop for him.

Once they sit down at the table Phil starts by stating the obvious. "You smell like weed and cologne equally threw up on you. Please don't tell me your high, I don't have anything against that, but you might as well not even try to work on this project if your going to be seeing rainbows the whole time." He states, closing his book and looking over at Dan.

He sighs in response. "Dammit, I thought the cologne would hide the scent," He mumbles to himself. He then looks over at Phil. "I'm not high, I swear. I was just around a few of my lads for a bit who weren't polite enough to wait for me to leave." He explains.

Phil doesn't know if he buys it or not. But, he figures Dan is acting sober, so even if he did smoke, the high would have probably passed. "Alright, but before we do anything, take off that jacket, that's what reeks so much."

Dan removes the black leather jacket as instructed to expose a plain black t-shirt. The boy wasn't built one bit and Phil's kind of surprised how he even get's these girls into bed. It's surely not his muscle, that's non existent.

"Alright, jacket removed. Now, tell me what I'm getting myself into. What is this 'Always Running' book? I hope it's not some book about a damn Olympic runner or something, that is way too much exercise to even think about for me." Dan states, crossing his arms and lounging out in his chair.

Phil can't help but stifle a small laugh. Finally, something he could relate to with this dude. "No, definitely not about that. Trust me, I wouldn't be able to handle it either. It's more of a mystery or drama. It's about this girl named Kaitlynn. One night she's being chased by some stranger and before she can be killed by this dude, a guy comes out from the alley way; Chandler to be exact. Chandler is basically the stereotypical bad boy who is laced in piercings or whatever. But, the overall plot is focused on Kaitlynn and this mysterious killer dude. She's trying to find out why the hell this guy is out to get her and-" He stops as he notices Dan staring at Phil intently.

How long has been rambling on about this?

His face turns a light shade of red. "Sorry," He mumbles simply.

"You're fine. I take it you've read this story before?" He asks with a small smile on his face.

"Yeah," He answers simply, looking down at the table. "It's a good book really."

Phil takes out a book that is a good size, a lot larger than Dan anticipated. His eyes widen and he has quickly forgotten about the conversation he had just initiated. "Wait, that's not the book is it?" His voice is quickly being full of distress.

"Um.. it is. Why, is there a problem?"

"Uh, yeah actually. We can't read that. Can we just... choose a different one or something? Maybe one a lot shorter?"

Phil's face scrunches up in confusion. "What? This book isn't even as big as Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. It's about the same size as a normal novel." He protests.

So Dan was lazy too? Great, now he would have to deal with that for a while too.

"It's just- You know what, never mind. Look, I've gotta get going. I'll catch you later." Dan says quickly and he is then out of the library as fast as possible.

Phil sits there for a minute, contemplating what the hell just happened. Was Dan really that lazy? The book was maybe twenty-three chapters or so, surely he could get through that with the help of Phil. He decides that this pairing just couldn't work. There was no way the two could possibly end up creating something that was A worthy if Dan couldn't even agree to reading a decent sized novel.

He gets up and starts to head to the doors of the library. Before he leaves he notices Dan's jacket abandoned on the floor. Phil quickly picks it up and stuffs it into his bag, hoping the scent wasn't too strong for anyone to notice. After this, he heads straight into his English classroom, the teacher sitting at his desk presumably looking over his plans for the next few weeks.

"Mr. Straut, I have a bit of an issue with this English project." Phil begins, standing beside the teachers desk. His tone was polite, there was no way Mr. Straut would allow him to switch partners or work alone if he had no sign of respect.

He looks up at Phil and raises an eyebrow. "And what might this issue be, Mister Lester?" He asks apathetically and without looking up from his papers.

"Well, it's my partner, sir. Daniel, he doesn't seem to be up for reading a story that is simply an appropriate length of a novel. He also just doesn't seem to be the most compatible person for me as a partner." Phil explains, again in a polite voice.

It seems the teacher stopped listening at the sound of Dan's name. He stands up and walks in front of Phil. His face is sincere laced with a small amount if pity. "Phil, Dan is a great student in my class, wonderful even, just as you are," He starts with a smile but it soon falters slightly. "But,  Mister Howell has a bit of a... Challenge I suppose you could say."

Phil stands there for a moment. A challenge? Was Dan mentally challenged in reading? "You mean he has a mental disability?" He asks simply.

"Well, not exactly. I've talked to his parents and they told me the doctors don't have enough evidence to say it's any type of reading disability."

"Okay, so what is it? Can he not read properly?" Phil asks, becoming a bit annoyed at his teachers vague explanation.

"No, he just can't really get through a sentence without becoming frustrated. He's alright when it's read aloud or generally when he is assigned to read something for class..."

Phil nods his head, seeming to understand what he was being told. "Sooo, you are telling me you have partnered the boy who struggles to read a page that he's not assigned to with the boy who literally reads bricks of books for fun? I'm sorry sir, but why did you think this was a good idea?" He asks sounding genuinely confused.

"Well, Phil, I didn't exactly pay attention to my pairs this time, I'll be honest with you. I also understand your problem with Mister Howell but, I think that you can help him Phil. I don't know that any other student would have the patients -- or intelligence -- to help him with his problem." Mr. Straut explains.

Phil crosses his arms. This was clearly just an excuse for him to not assign Phil to a completely new person, it had to be. "So, that's a no on the switching partners thing?" He states bluntly, crossing his arms.

"Yes. But, I'll tell you what, if you come back to me in say a month or so and you still cannot tolerate him, I will allow you to work by yourself and give you an extra month that you may have lost. Does this sound alright to you?"

Phil thinks for a moment. He really didn't want Dan to be his partner, even if the boy wasn't as much of a prick as he first thought he was. He did feel partially bad for him though. Phil couldn't imagine what he would do if he couldn't tolerate even a sentence. Dan couldn't possibly be that bad. Plus, who knows, maybe Phil can change Dan's perception about reading or whatever.

"Alright," He says simply. "That sounds like a plan. Thank you very much sir, for listening." And with that, Phil was out the room, and headed to his next class, contemplating how he was going to go about Dan, both with his reading situation and just with his polar opposite personality in general.


	3. Chapter 3

**Phil's POV**

The remainder of the day goes on as usual. Phil is allowed seclusion from the world and appreciates the fact that he is now allowed to get lost in a book without any interruptions or worry. He had two other classes shared with Dan, and Phil can't be certain, but he believes in both classes Dan is always giving him glances, as if trying to study him. Phil thought nothing of it, and only continued on with finishing his work and quickly getting back to his book.

By the end of the day, Phil had stood clear of any other social interaction with both Dan and any other human being in the school. But, as he's waking home he hears a voice call for him and he holds back an annoyed sigh as he pairs the voice with the person. "Hey, "just Phil", right?" Dan asks, placing his hand on Phil's shoulder and he catches up to him, Dan already out of breath.

Seriously though, how does Dan get any of these girls? He doesn't appear out of shape, but he's not fit either, he looses breath at a small jog; Phil can only assume it's just how he is in bed. And then, Phil tries to stop assuming because that thought has now haunted him for life.

"It's Phil, Smart Alec." He states simply, not stopping or even slowing his walk on his way home.

"Smart Alec? Not the cursing type, are we?" Dan smirks, trying to get a better look at Phil's face.

Phil glances over at Dan to see the same intent stare as he had on in the past two classes they shared before. "Why are you starring at me like that?!" He sort of exclaims, backing away from Dan so he could have some personal space.

A light blush spreads across Dan's face but he only shrugs in response. "What are you on about? I'm just looking at you, I can't do that?" He asks, shoving his hands into his jean pockets.

"Well, you haven't done it once in the three years we've known of each other, so if you are just going to randomly start acknowledging my existence and looking at me as if I'm a lab rat, then yes, I believe by social standards you can't do that."

Dan's face scrunches up in a way of confusion. He's not exactly sure what the hell Phil just stated, but he's pretty sure it wasn't anything positive. "By social standards? What social standards?"

Phil stops abruptly, causing Dan to follow suit. "Are you serious?" Phil's face is a mixture of anger and bewilderment. "It's high school Dan, social standards are literally anything but non existent. Please don't act like we aren't at two completely opposite ends of the social ladder here."

Dan crosses his arms, looking over at Phil with an expression that is difficult to read. "Are we? Then please, explain to me where both of us are on this 'social ladder'."

"Isn't it obvious? Since primary school I've always been the outcast, the one in the corner with a book glued to his hand." Phil is more annoyed now than anything. This was so dumb. All he wanted to do was go home already.

What did Dan even want from him in the first place?

"And, what about me?"

Phil holds back a bitter laugh. "You? As for you... You're the party animal, the one that's always ready to have fun, to make trouble. I'm not judging you in anyway but-"

"Yes you are." Dan interrupts, his tone serious.

Phil pauses, looking over at Dan in confusion. "I'm sorry, what?"

Dan uncrosses his arms and Phil believes he spots a hint of anger in his eyes. "Everything you just stated is based on something that you've heard from some kind of gossip about me. I'm not all "let's get drunk off our asses and go wild" y'know? I'm a fucking human too, Phil." He sounds hurt almost and Phil is quickly filled with guilt.

"Look, I'm sorry I assume things. In my defense, your character shows that you're the kind of guy that will get down with anything wild. Now, why exactly are you following me home?" He tries changing the subject.

This was sad and all, but Phil didn't want to get caught up in all this drama or whatever. That just wasn't him.

It looks like Dan is about to protest, like he has more to say on this subject, but he chooses to drop it and just answer Phil's question. "I just wanted to talk to you about earlier at the library. I didn't mean to just up and leave you like that over the length of a book that is pretty reasonable realistically. I just want to say sorry. We can read the book, it actually sounds pretty interesting. Just, do me a favor and don't spoil the ending, will ya?" He asks shooting Phil a small grin as the two keep on walking.

Phil smiles back. He figures Dan might be a wild guy, but as of now he didn't seem like the prick some gossip made him out to be. "I won't, I promise." He's about to speak again, but he looks up to realize they are just down the road from his house. Phil's unsure of what to do. He could just invite Dan in to work on this project but, if he was being honest, he really didn't want him inside of his house. "My uh, house is actually right down this street, so..."

He trails off, but Dan is quickly jumping to conclusions, his face beginning to light up. "Oh! Alright, is it okay if I just come in and talk with you for a little while? Look, I know that sounds weird, and my reputation isn't exactly cut out for that line to be appropriate, but I swear I'm not gonna try anything. I just want to get to know you. Might as well know each other better now then later, we do have a project forcing us to deal with each other for the rest of the term."

Phil doesn't know why but there's a random feeling of... excitement that suddenly engulfs him. "Um, alright. I guess you could come in for a few. My parents are both on a business trip, so I've got the place to myself." He explains as they are approaching the front door.

As Phil is taking out his house key and about to unlock the door, it swings open, causing them both to jump in shock. They are greeted with a man stood in front of them with a large smile on his face. This man was tall, and appeared to be maybe in his early twenties with hair a natural orange.

"Alex? What are you doing here?" Phil asks with a confused expression.

"Well hello to you too." Alex lets out a short laugh. "I was just driving around the place and thought I'd stop by. I called mom and dad to find out they weren't even here, but thankfully they hadn't changed the hiding spot for the spare key since I've left." He explains, shutting the door as Dan and Phil come inside the house.

Phil gives his brother a hug. "Yeah, I've told them they should change it. We don't want any abnormally tall dudes who should be studying, breaking back into his old childhood home." He jokes, letting go of the hug and smiling.

Phil looks back at Dan, quickly sending him an apologetic look.

Dan only shrugs with a small smile of understanding while leaning against the wall and crossing his arms.

"Haha, hush. Like you're one to talk. You're almost as tall as me now!" Alex glances over at Dan and a devious grin plays on his face.   
He looks back at Phil and gives his younger brother a playful shove. "Looks like you've found a boy just as tall though, huh?"

Phil's face goes beet red and his stomach drops at his brothers words.

Why the hell would he think that is even a little appropriate right now?!

Dan had no clue about Phil's sexuality, no one in his high school did, and he would have loved for it to stay that way. But, it seemed too late for that now.

Phil notices Dan's eyebrows raise and his eyes become wide in surprise at this new information. "N-no, Alex. He's... Actually just a partner for a project. Seriously, not even a friend. Uh, I'm glad your back and all, but we've gotta get started. So, I'll talk to you when he leaves." He quickly dismisses himself and then prompts Dan to head up the stairs and guides him to his room.

Phil's heart is pounding and he doesn't know what he's going to do. It wasn't that his school was homophobic or anything, it was that he didn't know what his school was. He didn't know anyone that ever came out openly at the place. This also meant he didn't know what the hell was going through Dan's head at the moment. He's sure he wouldn't understand what Phil was going through, as Dan seemed to only have dated woman and only seemed to be attracted to them as well.

Once his bedroom door closes, Phil drops his back pack beside the door and takes a seat on the edge of his bed, emitting a giant sigh and bringing his hands to his face.

"So," Dan starts, taking a seat at Phil's desk chair. "That's your brother then, yeah?" He asks, and Phil isn't sure if it's even an actual question.

"Um... Yeah. Yeah, that's my brother, Alex. He's in his second year of college, studying law." Phil states, seeming flustered and distracted, not caring about this conversation.

Dan's eyes soften at Phil's clearly stressed appearance. "Phil, don't worry about it, alright? I don't care about your sexuality."

"Alright, that's great Dan. Can you get the rest of the school to say that too?" He snaps.

Dan's face scrunches up in confusion, and there's a hint of hurt in his eye as he is quickly catching on to Phil's words. "What do you mean Phil? You really think I'm just going to go around telling people you aren't straight? Look, I get that you hear a lotta shit about me, and that I might be popular. But, that doesn't mean that the rumors are true or that I fit any god damn stereotypes that you can find in your little books." He states, raising his voice and glaring up over at Phil.

Phil looks up at Dan and notices a small hint of hurt in his gaze. "Look, Dan, I'm sorry I keep doing this. It's just... I've spent the last three years or so not talking to you or any of your friends. The only thing I can bank off of to learn about you all is how you act and what people say. In my defense, you walked through the classroom doors this morning getting high fives from people because of some party last night, and then proceeded to talk to your close friends about how much fun it was to shag your girl at the end of the term, then end it as you always do." He explains, his face expression apathetic.

Dan's face goes somber, it was as if something Phil had said was inaccurate. "I see your point Phil. I'm just saying... I'm not a bad guy. Well, not to some standards I guess... Might not wanna tell your mum that I smoke or something, but I'm not some kind of douche." He explains simply, leaning back in the chair.

"So, about this project," Dan starts, changing the subject before Phil can respond. "Do you have a copy of the book for me?"

"Uh, yeah. It's in the that bookshelf beside you." Phil states simply, trying his best to ignore the awkward atmosphere beginning to creep up on them both.

Dan gets up to look at the book case and Phil follows him, helping him get it sooner. He takes the book off the shelf and holds it out for Dan to take. "So, I feel like we should start reading since you are already here..." Phil trails off before talking again. He wants to mention Dan's reading issue, but he's not too sure it appropriate. "Is that alright?"

Dan takes the book, looking slightly nervous about Phil's suggestion. "Uh, I mean... Sure, yeah, totally." He rants, this time taking a seat on the edge of Phil's bed, leaving Phil to sit at his desk. "Could you maybe start though? I- um..." He's starting to stutter, and Phil can tell that Dan is trying to just tell the truth.

"Dan," Phil starts, looking over at him. "What's up? I know we aren't close... like, at all, but if you need to say something, go ahead. It's not like I'm someone who can ruin you anyways."

Before Dan can continue his phone begins to go off and Phil can see him almost immediately loose all tension in his body, so happy he's been saved by a phone call. "Hey, what's up?" Dan stands up, and only paces around Phil's room seemingly for zero reason. "Uh, yeah, that sounds great. So, this Friday, right? Okay, I'm at Phil's place at the moment, but I've gotta get going in a few before Jason gets home." Dan talks, as he mentions Phil he looks straight over at him to see Phil was just examining the copy of Dan's book in his hands.

A soft smile appears but is quickly forced off his face as Phil's gaze is back towards Dan.

Dan rolls his eyes as Chris' comment. "No Chris, we're just working on the project, shut the hell up would you? I'll talk to you later, alright? Bye." He then hangs up the phone and grabs his bag from beside Phil's desk.

"So, that was Chris, obviously. He was just calling to make sure of some things. But, like I told him, I should probably head out since I've gotta get home soon. I'll definitely start reading though." Dan explains.

Phil nods, holding out the book. "Yeah, that sounds like a plan." He states simply.

"Hey, there's this party Chris is throwing Friday. I know we aren't even friends or anything, but as someone who kind of used to be in your position, I suggest you come." Dan takes an old receipt from his pocket and writes something down, handing it to Phil afterwards. "Here is my number so we can discuss shit about the book or whatever, and, I'll see you around I guess." He says simply, shooting Phil a signature charming smile and then leaving the room with his book tucked under his arm.

**Dan's** **POV**

As he shuts the door to Phil's flat, Dan sighs. Why did he feel so challenged when he was around that kid?

It wasn't like Phil was anything too special. He was just another dork who Dan had to deal with for a few months. But, what Dan didn't understand was why it seemed to effect him so much whenever Phil seemed to just check him off as the stereotypical popular boy. And, why did it pain him to see Phil in such distress when he found out he wasn't straight?

It's not like Dan isn't used to the stereotypes or anything. In fact, if he was being completely honest, majority of it was true. He just didn't understand why he replied to Phil's words so kindly, it wasn't like him to sound so serious with another person unless it was his brother or something.

And why did Dan end up giving Phil _that_ smile just before leaving?

Also, why the hell did it feel so wrong in such a different way when he used it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, if you all can't tell already, the scheduling for this story is kind of random, and I'm not the best at keeping my scheduling promises.
> 
> I will try for at least one chapter a week though(no promises, sorry). I know I posted a few days ago, but I'm just posting this to say happy (day late) phanniversary everyone! I'm so happy it's been seven years since they've met, they've come so far!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this update, thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm back with another update. I hope you like it.
> 
> Votes, comments, etc. are always greatly appreciated and make me explode ^^
> 
> Enjoy~
> 
> P.S.  
> Happy start of spooky week everyone *blares spooky scary skeletons*

**Phil's POV**

"Wait, so you're telling me a guy from your school has invited you to a party and you're... mad about it? I'm sorry, but I don't think I see the problem here, Phil." Louise, Phil's best friend (and only, if Phil was being honest) states.

As soon as Dan left he had pulled up his laptop and decided to Skype Louise to update her on his life and also just talk this out to someone. Phil met Louise through a social media site and she lived down in London, meaning they weren't too far, but still not close enough for frequent visits. Because of this, they just rely on some good wifi, Skype, and a few texts here and there to communicate.

Louise was in Year 13, or, Upper Six since that's the term she was used to. This meant Phil kind of looked up to her like a big sister in a way, even if she was only just one year ahead of him.

Phil's fingers are massaging his temples both due to reasons of stress and slight annoyance. It's not Louise's fault she didn't get this. She didn't know what Dan did in the past, what he could be capable of. She also didn't know that it was the end of the term, and it's time for Dan to find someone new to accompany him as a date. Phil never thought Dan was anything but straight, but that smile was seriously the same one he's used to get girls in bed for years.

Phil hates to admit it, but he kind of understands now what the girls might actually see in him. It is one hell of a smile, plus his dimples are seriously the cutest thing he has seen. He might not be built, but Phil seriously didn't give two shits because his appearance was just-- beautiful no matter how active he was.

Phil freezes as he realizes what he's just thought to himself.

Fuck. This was bad.

This was really, really bad.

"That is the problem Lou!" Phil exclaims, leaning back in his desk chair and running his fingers through his fringe, "Dan is seriously the slut of the school. I know he literally just told me almost an hour ago to not stereotype him like that, but that's not stereotyping, that's the truth. Every party he's been at ends with someone in a bed with him." Phil explains.

"And... You think that you are Dan's next target for a tour of the bed?"

"Yes, that's exactly it." Phil answers simply with a nod of confirmation.

Louise leans back in her chair, crossing her arms. Her face concentrating hard on trying to understand the specific problem. "Okay, but hasn't this Dan guy only dated girls? You've known him for like, three years and you said in past conversations when you were only in like year 9 that the "new kid" was kind of hot but then you later saw him dating all these girls and I specifically remember you texting me 'Dammit, hot guy isn't only straight, but he's also a player.'"

Phil didn't know how to respond. She was right after all, but that still doesn't explain that smile Dan gave him. "I- I dunno, Louise. I also just don't know if I should go just cause I'm not exactly the party type... clearly."

Before Louise can answer, Phil can hear her door open and a motherly voice starting to talk. Once the door closes again, Louise looks back at her laptop and smiles over at Phil apologetically. "Sorry, that was my mum. She said dinner was ready. I'll text you later, alright?"

"Alright, thanks for listening to me ramble. I'll talk to you later Lou."

"Goodbye Philly. Oh, and by the way. I feel like you should still go to that party, what's the worst that could happen? Plus, you need to get yourself out there in the first place. Make some new friends you dork." With a small laugh followed by a large smile, the calls ends and Phil is left alone to think about this party.

He figures Louise is right, it wouldn't hurt to just go and have some fun. In all honesty, Phil probably needed something to get him out of his shell, and some alcohol might just do the trick.

**Dan's POV**

Dan walks into his house and throws his back pack thats full of maybe one binder onto the floor beside the front door. He notices he's come home to an empty house and sighs in relief, jumping onto the sofa and lounging out.

He doesn't know why, but he almost feels stressed out. Surely it couldn't be Phil, all he was, was some nerd that read all the time. It's not like he was anything special.

Dan decides that he needed to just get his mind off the boy he'd been focused on all day and decides to start thinking about who he should start dating next. He takes out his cell phone and scrolls through his contacts, stopping at the first name he sees; Alice.

Alice was a nice girl, dark red hair, pale skin with blue eyes and freckles scattered across her face to compliment it all. She was also someone Dan has known since the start, and he knew that she wanted to be with him from the beginning.

He's honestly not sure if he wants to do this. For once, there's a part of him that is addressing that what he's been doing for years is just wrong. Playing with peoples emotions and making them feel loved even when he knew that all he was looking for was a fuck buddy until he was tired of them at the end of the term.

He's irritated by this recent thought and how he's been a lot more conscious of his bad decisions all day. Dan presses the call button under Alice's name and holds the phone up to his ear.

When she answers, Dan expresses a charming smile as usual, even if she couldn't see him. "Hey Alice. How've you been?"

"That's great to hear. I'm happy you're doing alright. Y'know, I've been pretty good, but, I feel like it'd be even better if I had you here with me."

Dan hears her sheepish laugh and he grins knowing he's definitely getting somewhere. "What? Of course I mean that. You've been there for me ever since I moved here, I really appreciate that y'know. So, I was thinking... how would you feel if I ended up with my arm wrapped around you and calling you mine tomorrow at school?" He asks, his voice soft. He's done this too much, it's scary at how genuine he sounds.

He can tell Alice's smile has grown twice it's size since the start of the call and she quickly accepts. As she is talking about future plans together, Dan hears his front door open and assumes it's his younger brother finally getting back from school. Dan sits up and smiles over at his brother.

"That all sounds amazing, Love. I'm looking forward to doing it all with you by my side. But, Jason just got back from school and I promised I'd play a few games with him. I'll talk to you later, alright?"

As Dan ends the call he stands up and walks over to Jason who was standing beside the front door with a smile on his face as Dan approached him. "Hey little bro, how was school?" He asks, messing up his younger brothers hair.

Jason laughs, shoving Dan lightly. "Haha, stop that!" He exclaims, taking off his back pack then leaning it against a wall. "School was fine, glad I'm home though. Have you heard from Mum yet?" He asks, Dan following him into the lounge as Jason sets up the xbox.

Dan sits down beside him. "Not yet, I actually just got home a few minutes ago. She told me this morning though that she was going to try and work late in hopes to get some extra cash. So, if I'm going by that it seems like it's just me and you." He explains, taking the second controller from the coffee table.

Jason sighs, only starring straight ahead. "It always is." He mumbles, a frown on his face.

"What? You starting to get tired of me? I know it's a pain to be living with me, but in my defense it wasn't all that great knowing I had to share a room with a baby at the age of four." Dan replies, a playful grin on his face.

Jason's disappointed appearance doesn't falter. "No, it's not that. I just wish she didn't have to be out all the time. I know she's just trying to get money to pay the bills, but I still wish she could find some time in the day to spend time with us." He explains, keeping his eyes on the home screen of the tv. "And, if I'm being honest, it doesn't help that you come home half the time either high or wasted. I'm actually surprised since this is the first time this week you don't smell like weed and actually appear sober."

Dan sighs, looking over at his brother. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to stop, I promise I am-"

"No you're not Dan," His brother finally breaks his gaze from the TV and looks at Dan, his expression serious. "You've told me you were going to quit ever since I was eleven. You were fourteen when you said that and now you are seventeen and you haven't changed. I shouldn't have even known what weed looks like at my age then, but I did because you thought it was smart to smoke it up in your room that you shared with me. I love you Dan, but whether you promise me you are gonna stop drinking and smoking, I know you won't."

"Jason, that's not true. Look, I'm sorry I've been doing it for a while, it's hard to cut the habit, but if it's hurting you I promise I will try my best to stop. I care about you more than I care about the drugs, alright?" Dan states, his expression serious and eyes almost desperate.

Jason shakes his head, his face somber. "You say that now Dan, but you've also been saying that for years. The only way I can actually believe you is when I start seeing you come home completely sober like you did today." He stands up, "I've got homework, so I'm just gonna get that done. You can have the system while I do that." After he speaks, Jason leaves the room and grabs his back pack then heads up the stairs.

Dan groans, throwing himself out on the couch again. He hated when his brother talked about his smoking and drinking. Dan knew it wasn't good that he did that stuff, but it's not like it affected him forever. The only reason he did it is to have a good time, it wasn't like he smoked or drank enough to kill him.

Did he really come home everyday high? He never even realized that what his brother said might actually be true.

This was dumb, Dan decided. This entire day has caused him to be stressed out and he doesn't think it's only a coincidence that he hadn't smoked today. He wanted to quit, just to make his brother happy, because even if Jason didn't know it, he was everything to Dan. But, it was so hard to not want something that can make all this stress go away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, happy halloween!!! Here's a chapter in celebration  
> Enjoy~

* * *

**Phil's POV**

So, Dan had a girlfriend. It's not that much of a shocker, it was only a matter of days before he asked someone out, it was a new term after all. Phil was dumb to think Dan was going after him.

Why would he go after the nerd who he only met because of some English assignment?

More importantly, why would Dan go after a guy in general? He's probably straight in the first place.

Why was he even thinking about this? Phil didn't want to be the next piece in Dan's game, and he wasn't. So there, problem solved.

It was Friday and school was finally over. Phil's looking forward to the weekend. He had plans with his bed to be curled up in his duvet and finishing the last few chapters of the latest book he was reading. Sadly, Dan hadn't seemed to have read any of the book for their report though, so he had plans to go over to his place and hopefully start getting him to at least try and read it. Phil didn't know what he was going to do to get Dan to read it though because apparently he couldn't get through a sentence without loosing focus.

**Dan's POV**

Dan let's out a deep laugh as he hears Alice chuckle beneath him as he is nibbling lightly at her ear. It was after school and as of now he was close to sobriety from his after school smoke with Chris and PJ. He was meant to meet Phil at the front of the school in a few, but right now he was enjoying himself having Alice against the brick wall underneath him and squirming as a reaction to his lips on her neck.

He notices Phil walking out of the school building from the corner of his eye. As Phil notices Dan's absence, he sits down at a bench and pulls out a book and starts to read it. Phil seemed at such peace when reading, not even a hint of anger in his face because of Dan's absence. The only expression that was shown was his intent focus on what words were written in the book in front of him.

A small smile forms on Dan's face at the sight of Phil's entire appearance, and then he feels a pit in his stomach beginning to form out of guilt that he wasn't there to meet Phil like he had promised.

"Ahem," Alice coughs awkwardly, looking up at Dan who was lost in thoughts... of someone that wasn't her. "Dan, are you alright, babe?"

Dan shakes his head. "Oh, um, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, just got a bit distracted I guess. Too busy thinking about you in ways more than now." He answers, trying to recovery himself.

Dan leans down in an attempt to kiss her again, but Alice only sighs, crossing her arms. "More like you're too busy eyeing up mister Lester the Loser over there. What's up with you Dan? You've been looking at that kid all week."

Dan freezes. "Lester the Loser? Since when did people start calling him that?"

She scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Jesus Christ, Dan. What does it matter? Phil is only your partner for some dumb English project, you've only gotta deal with him for like a term and you're done. It's obvious he's bothering you," She steps closer to Dan, pulling at his shirt. "Seems like you just need a small distraction from that dork, don't you think?" She whispers, pulling Dan in for a passionate kiss.

Dan kisses back, but once he let's go he turns his attention back over to Phil. "I... guess your right," He lies. "But, I do have to at least start this project with him. I better get going before he ends up finishing that book and ditching my ass. I'll talk to you later, Love." He gives her a small kiss and then walks out from the side of the building and over to Phil.

It takes Phil a minute to notice the shadow over his pages, but when he looks up to see Dan, he only looks back down at his book, carefully turning the page. "I've only got a page left on this chapter." He dismisses quickly.

Dan scans over Phil, a warm smile being shot at him even if Phil was more into the book then Dan's expressions. He sits beside Phil and tries to scan over what he was reading. He's surprised when he gets through the first paragraph, but after a few more sentences he can tells his attention is starting to fail, and other noises around him are being heightened. Dan sighs, turning his head away from Phil and the book in his hand.

"What's wrong Dan?" Phil asks, shutting the book and tucking it under his arm. "I finished the chapter, but you seem to be upset all of a sudden. Just five seconds ago you seemed pretty excited, assuming since you were just leaving from a make out session with your newest girlfriend."

Dan sighs again, standing up and walking in the direction of his house. He shoves his hands in his pocket. "What's it matter to you?" He scoffs as Phil catches up to him and the two walk side by side.

Phil's taken off slightly by Dan's aggressive behavior, but only shrugs it off. "I was just wondering, girl troubles?"

"God, no," Dan laughs. He then blushes slightly, realizing his reply sounded slightly cocky. "Sorry. It's uh, not that. I just don't wanna do that project I guess." He shrugs.

Phil sighs, it was as if he knew Dan wasn't telling him everything. "Why? You just hate books or something?"

"I guess you could say that," He replies, then glances over at Phil.

He didn't seem so special; his hands were just shoved in his jacket pockets and his head was down, following his feet as on the floor as they continued to walk.

"I wish I could read like you, if I'm being honest." He answers simply, looking back at the scenery in front of them.

Phil let's out a small laugh, and it sucks because Dan feels like he's been kicked in the stomach. "Seriously? Why? I'm just some nerd who doesn't know how to have a good time. Oh, but I sure as hell know how to write it!" He mocks, swinging arm expressing a large, sarcastic smile.

Dan let's out a loud laugh, causing clouds of air to spurt out. "Alright, so you might not get out much. But, I mean, at least you read how it might feel like. I just wish I could get lost in a completely different world sometimes. The real world isn't all that great, even for some popular slut like me." He shrugs, taking a turn onto his road. They were only a few steps until he got to his house.

"Well, you've got that right. It is nice getting lost in all the new worlds, and knowing that even if it is a bad ending, I don't have to be the one to deal with it. But, you still must have a lot of fun actually living those experiences. Surely that's much more entertaining than reading about them."

"Yeah, well you have no idea what consequences the shit I get into causes. Both mentally and physically." Dan replies pulling out his key and unlocking the front door to his house.

He his introduced by the sound of the sink going in the kitchen. As Phil comes in, Dan closes the door and turns to him. "I'll be back in a sec." Dan tells him, following the sound of dishes clanking together.

He walks in to see his mother humming along to a tune she seemed to have made up in her head. "Mum," Dan starts, smiling at her lively appearance. "You're home early. Work treating you alright?" He asks, opening the fridge and grabbing two bottles of water.

"Of course it is. Just finished my shift and decided I'd actually come home rather than try and stay after for extra cash. Figured my boys would like some time with their mother. Although," His mum pauses, leaning over slightly to get a look at Phil standing at the front door, giving Dan's mom a small wave. She smiles in return, then turns her attention back to Dan, "it seems like you have company. Did I choose to come home early on a bad day?"

"Oh. That's Phil. I invited him over to just work on a project. But, you kind of did cause I was actually planning to go hang out at Chris' after wards too. I can stay if you like though. I'll clean up the house and everything too, in case you just want some alone time with Jason."

Dan's mum smiles politely. "No, that's all fine, sweetheart. I don't want your schedule to change because of me. Plus, I feel like Jason would be happy that we're left with just us two. I just want you to have your fun too. Now, go back to that boy out there and save him from your younger brother who is talking his ear off now."

Dan turns back to see Jason was now in fact stood in front of Phil and going on about something unknown to him. Whatever it was, it was making Phil's face turn red. "You're right. I'll talk to you later then. Love you mum." He says, then heads out the kitchen with the two water bottles in his hands.

"Hey," Dan says, pressing one of the cold water bottles to his little brothers neck, causing him to flinch. "What're you doing to my English partner?"

"OW! Not freezing his neck to death like you are to me!" He exclaims, laughing and shoving Dan hard.

"Yeah, well he isn't talking your big ear off, that's you. If you want, I can let you have a quick Q&A session with the dork later, but right now we've got some stuff to do. I'll see you later little bro." Dan says, then pushes a Phil with a giant amused smile up the steps.

"Have fun up there! Be safe!" Jason calls and Phil bursts out laughing, collapsing at the top of the steps.

Dan's face the is a million shades of red and he's shoving phil the rest of the way up the steps and into his room. "Jason, I am going to kill you later!"

When they enter the room, Dan shuts the door and turns his head to Phil, who was sat on Dan's bed, a giant smile on his face. "I don't wanna hear it." He states, crossing his arms.

"Hey, I don't wanna hear that 'tude. I'll sick a feather on you're damn neck." Phil replies, laughing at his own threat.

"Whatever!" Dan throws a pillow at Phil's face as he sits down beside Phil on his bed. "Now, let's get to this story, shall we?"

"Sure, do you want to just switch every paragraph, or chapter, or what?" Phil asks, taking out the book from his bag.

Dan sighs, he guesses now would be the time he has to admit his issue. "Well, I guess I should've told you earlier... But, I can't exactly read too well. I end up loosing focus after a few sentences. That's uh... that's why I was so off earlier. I was trying to get through that page of your's and ended up failing. I... usually just buy the audio book version, but I couldn't find this book on the shop." He explains, holding the back of his neck and waiting for Phil's judgement.

"I get it." Phil replies simply. "That's fine then. I guess I'll just have to read it to you. Is it alright if you at least follow along though?" He asks.

Dan looks up, surprised by Phil's simple reaction. "Oh, uh, alright. That sounds like a plan I guess. Lemme just grab the book and we can start then."

He stands up and takes off his coat in the process. Dan gestures towards Phil "Gimme your coat, you must be hot in that thing." Phil obliges and without a second thought hands over galaxy coat and Dan throws them both on his desk chair, grabbing his book off the desk and taking a seat back on his bed and leaning against the wall. "Okay, go on with the story then."

"It's dark, cold, and the screaming of the wind brings off such a dark aura. Nights like these are the worst, mainly because my clothes are drenched and sticking tightly to my skin that I've been told half my life is practically translucent-"

Phil stops, hearing Dan chuckle lightly. "What are you laughing at?"

"It- It's nothing. You just, your voice goes completely different as soon as you start reading. It's nothing bad, I kind of like it actually." Dan explains with a small smile. He then blushes, realizing what he said. "Oh! I didn't mean it like that-"

Wait, why was Dam blushing? He has seriously never blushed, Dan never blushes.

Phil shakes his head, he didn't seem effected by Dan's words. He seemed to be stuck in reading mode. "It's whatever. Just, listen to the story...."

_'my clothes are drenched and sticking tightly to my skin that I've been told half my life is practically translucent. But, there's something that makes this night different than the rest._

_Tonight I'm running. Running for what might very well be my life._

_My legs are screaming and begging me to stop, but I won't. I refuse to stop because, whenever I slow down I can hear the dreadful sound of footsteps pounding against the sidewalk, causing the puddles behind me to rush to life._

_"Why are you running?!" A voice booms behind me. It's some distance away, but I know it's closer than it really sounds._

_The voice definitely wasn't friendly. It was coated with anger, and intent to kill. My heart is going to burst, I'm almost sure of it. But, I can't stop running. I won't let myself  stop running._

_I don't know where I am, or how long this has been going on. But, the pounding of feet that continue behind me is what keeps my legs going for an automatic run like some kind of marathon, even if my body is begging for rest. It's still pouring, and by now the cold bullets have caused me to shiver as chills are rushing down my body left and right._   
_This wasn't a marathon, it never ends and only keeps going on some kind of infinite loop. I know I won't be able to handle this much longer....'_

**Phil's POV**

Phil trails off as he notices Dan out the corner of his eye. The boy was lounged out on the end of his bed and sleeping.

Phil sighs. He is kind of irritated, but it's hard to stay that way when Dan's tired appearance just brings Phil such a sense of peace and warmth.

Phil figures he'd just let Dan sleep, it wasn't like waking him up would do any good. Plus, Dan needed some rest for that party he was going to earlier.

Even if Phil wasn't going, he still felt some kind of worry that Dan would be there getting wasted. He didn't know why, it's not like he should care. Plus, Dan always got wasted, it's no doubt that anything would change that.

Phil gets up and grabs his back pack from the floor. He let's himself out of the house, giving both Dan's mother and little brother a polite goodbye before heading out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there we go then. I hope you like this chapter. Me and my friend actually did a collab writing for class which resulted in that excerpt of the book dnp are reading.
> 
> I'm probably gonna upload another chapter Wednesday of this week, so be ready for that.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for all of your feedback, it seriously means everything to know that people are actually enjoying what I write.
> 
> I'll talk to you all Later.  
> P.S.  
> What did you guys think of spooky week this year? Which year has been your favorite?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N  
> Hello, happy Wednesday.  
> Not much to say on this update.  
> But, enjoy >:3

**Dan's POV**

Dan's eyes open slightly and he sits up with a yawn. Looking around, he notices that he was in his own bedroom.

But, wait, didn't he invite Phil over?

Dan glances over at the clock on is nightstand and realizes it's eight-thirty. He has been asleep for almost four hours. He just completely fell asleep on Phil and probably made him feel awkward.

He felt so guilty for just practically forcing Phil out of his flat. When Dan realizes Phil seemed to have left his coat he jumps out of bed and quickly grabs the jacket.

As he rushes down the stairs he notices his mum and Jason sitting on the couch and watching an Episode of Stranger Things. "I'm going out. Promise I'll be back by midnight if not earlier. Love you both!" He calls, quickly rushing out the front door and jumping into his car.

Dan starts the engine and tries hard to remember the route to Phil's house.

He didn't seem to let the thought of why he was so excited to give his English partner his coat back infest his mind.

Dan also didn't seem to remember there was a party going on that he needed to be at.

***

It was about a fifteen minute drive and Dan is almost happy to realize Phil really isn't that far from him.

As he approaches the house, coat in hand, Dan's surprised to almost feel nervous as he knocks on the door. He has to be honest, he doesn't like this weird feelings he's having for random reasons, and he's about ready for them to go away.

The door swings open and Dan is greeted by Phil's bigger brother rather than Phil himself. "Hi, you're Phil's partner for that dumb project in English, right?" Alex asks with a friendly smile, gesturing for Dan to come in.

As Dan accepts the invitation, he nods. "Yeah, it's Dan. Um, actually, I was just here to give Phil his coat back. He forgot it back at my place earlier today."

Alex seems slightly confused by Dan's explanation, but he doesn't seem to explain the reason behind this expression. "Alright, I'll go get him. You can go into the lounge or something if you like. Make yourself at home."

Dan nods in thanks, but stays by the door of the house. He didn't plan to stay long, he didn't want to be a burden.

Wait, that's not why. Dan was never a burden, why would he think that?

After only minutes, Dan notices Phil coming down the stairs, he shoots Dan a small smile as he approaches him. "Hi sleeping beauty." He says with sarcasm.

Dan blushes in embarrassment. "Yeah, I'm really sorry about that."

Phil shrugs. "It's whatever," He replies nonchalantly. "So, why are you here so late? Don't you have that party to be at or something?"

Thanks to Phil, Dan finally remembers Chris' house party. "Shit!" He mutters. "I completely forgot about that. I uh, actually came here to bring you your coat, you forgot it at my place. But, didn't I give you an invite to that party too? You don't seem to be there either." He points out.

"I'm not going to some party, are you serious?" Phil scoffs, "I'd much rather stay home reading about the tragic events of high school teen pregnancies than go to a party and actually be the cause of one." He replies sarcastically, crossing his arms.

Dan laughs, shaking his head. "Dude, I think you need a break from all those pages of words. You said earlier that I must have fun living some of the things that go on in some of those books, why don't you just try and join me in the fun? It can't go that bad. Plus, we've got the project and school going on, you need some alcohol in your system to calm your nerves."

"I dunno," Phil protests. Dan knows he should be getting annoyed and give up at this point, but he only finds Phil's rejection amusing. It only makes him want to try harder. "Won't you be too busy with Alice to hang out with me? I mean, I clearly don't need to rely on you in life, but I'm just saying, you are literally the only one at this party who will even care to acknowledge me."

"Don't worry, Alice isn't into this party stuff, so we're just doing things on our own time. I know I might have a lot of people talking to me, but if you really seem uncomfortable I'll take you home." Dan takes Phil's arm, looking over at Phil with kind eyes. "I'm not gonna just leave you stranded in an environment I know you aren't used to, alright?"

Dan's voice was so soft and caring, and it's a shock to both of them. This was so weird, the way he was acting. Dan had a girlfriend, he had someone to play with, and Phil was a damn boy. He might have told Chris and PJ he was bi, but from his past (and many) relationships he clearly didn't seem into guys, so Dan didn't know anymore.

But... Why did this also feel so right?

"Okay." Phil answers simply, pulling away from Dan's grip.

Dan tries to ignore the obvious situation that happened and he hands Phil his jacket back. "I'm happy to hear that," Dan opens the front door. "Do you want to let your brother know that you are going?"

Phil shrugs. "I'll just text him on the way there." He answers, walking out the door and following Dan to his car.

**Phil's POV**

Phil wanted to say that this was a mistake, and that Dan was wrong about him needing to take a break from the books. But, he couldn't. Or, at least, he didn't think he could say that right now.

As soon as they got to Chris' house Phil thought several things.

One, Chris' house was huge and his parents must be rich. His house was like three stories for gods sake with a pool in his backyard accompanied with an outside bar.

Two, everyone was already there and completely wasted, no one seemed to care that Phil was there, but they did acknowledge him.

In fact, as soon as Dan ushered Phil into the house with him, PJ approached them both with a giant smile on his face. He only gave Phil a giant wasted grin and quickly put a beer in his hand. Phil wasn't usually one to drink, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to start now.

The third thing Phil realized is just how much Dan really changed when he was around the sound of music blasting with wild lights everywhere and drunk people either dancing their asses off or making out in a corner.

As soon as Dan got through the door his causal smile that Phil was used to immediately turned into a devious one and as soon as a beer was placed in his hand he was quickly ready for another one. He was a social butterfly, talking to everyone and introducing Phil to the others, his arm was wrapped lazily around Phil during these introductions, but after a few minutes, Dan seemed to have excused himself to go find Chris or something.

In the meantime, Phil had a few drinks in his system too. He wasn't exactly accompanied to his own new persona; which was really just over all flamboyant and loud, not being afraid to express an opinion. Phil didn't care who the hell it was, as long as he was making people laugh with his large gestures and loud acts of amusement he was set.

This brings him to where he is now, outside by the bar and talking about how he's so sure his maths teacher is probably some kind of stripper by night. "I mean, come on dude! Have you seen her and how she dresses? Plus, I'm pretty sure I've heard my brother describe some chick he saw at the local club look exactly like her!" He exclaims to Chris, who laughs loudly at Phil's statement.

"You've got a great point there, lad. She definitely looks like the type that can be friends with a pole. Y'know Phil, you're a pretty cool dude, why do you never speak up anytime in school?"

Phil shrugs, a hiccup accompanying his explanation. "Who the hell knows man. My head is always stuck in some fantasy world if I'm being honest."

He's about to continue talking, but he stops as he feels an arm wrap around his waist. Phil jumps in surprise and turns his head to see Dan with a devious grin spreading across his face. "Hey dork, how's the party treating ya?"

Phil shoots Dan a smile, completely unaware at just how wrong Dan's actions and facial expressions towards him are right now. "Pretty good. Me and Chris have officially decided Miss Prim is a stripper."

Dan laughs, leaning against the bar table. "Did you now? Have you figured out her stripper name by chance?"

"Who the hell knows, but her damn catchphrase is probably like 'I can solve more problems than two plus two'" Chris scoffs, taking a large sip of his beer.

Phil cringes at the saying. "Dude seriously? It's more like "I'm up for anything you are" just cause you can tell that hoe would literally do anything for like a dollar. The teacher salary sure as hell isn't helping her any."

Dan raises an eye brow towards Phil. "Damn Philly, bit of a sailors mouth there when you're drunk now, huh?"

"Guess so," He shrugs, Phil then grins, realizing the sudden nickname. "Philly? What's with the nickname?"

Dan shrugs. "I dunno, it just came out. I think it suits you."

"Oh, it suits me huh? How does Philly suit me?"

"Well, for one it's fucking adorable and cute..." Dan pauses, even if he was drunk it was as if he still was hesitant about his next few words. "It's just like you, y'know."

Phil chuckles, raising his eyebrows. "Oh, so now I'm cute and adorable. Dan, I'm not Alice, you know this right? I am Phil, the dork who is too busy in the corner reading to acknowledge how fun parties could be."

A soft laugh comes deep from Dan's throat. "Yeah, I'm well aware you aren't Alice," He pauses, breaking from Phil and scanning over his body. "You're a lot more hot than she is. You're little book nerd personality is pretty adorable too."

It's clear now that the two probably should stop there, this wasn't right for literally an infinite amount of reasons, but it still didn't stop them. As the night went on, they still went off on their own conversations with others, but they would always eventually find their way back to the other, expressing some kind of affection.

There was now a dance circle going on in the backyard... on the bar table. People would just climb up on it and start dancing to the upbeat music, sometimes up there just to look dumb, other times up there with a partner, getting kicked off as things started getting heated. Phil approaches the bar to notice Dan seemed to be having a solo on the bar table, dancing along to Britney Spears' Toxic and throwing his shirt out onto the grass.

Phil can't help it, he whistles up at Dan and his reckless appearance. Dan notices Phil's cheering and shoots him a grin. He then holds out his hand, forcing Phil onto the bar to join him. Once Phil is up there,  the two are carefully dancing around each other, Phil's hands moving above him and Dan's carefully holding Phil's waist.

"Too hiigh, can't come down." Dan mouths towards Phil with a giant drunk smile. He takes Phil's arms and forces himself against Phil's body. It happens so suddenly, and soon Dan is pressing himself against Phil's torso.

So, a summary; the entire crowd around them is cheering them on as Dan is shirtless and grinding himself against Phil. Phil of course doesn't seem to give two shits that the school player who has a girlfriend as of now is grinding against him. He is even pressing up to Dan's touch. In his defense, he's more drunk than anything in the world, he hasn't felt this close to a human in years... And, Phil can't lie; Dan is fucking hot.

Plus, Dan started it, and he was clearly into this as well.

They weren't thinking about what would happen when the party was over. When the weekend ended and they went to school to probably a million people aware of their actions. Dan didn't even think about the fact that by tomorrow this definitely would have gotten to Alice and she would be anything but pleased.

But, the thing was...  
Dan actually was well aware that Alice would know about this, even in his wasted state. The only issue was, Dan didn't care. He made this choice for a reason.

Phil was way too hot to him right now to let the boy get away. Dan would be dumb to turn this huge dork who has such a wild side down and only go on with his reckless dating behavior.

In retrospect, it was terrible, the outcome of this party. But neither of the two truly cared right now, and they wouldn't after the party either.

Or, Dan wouldn't care, at least.


	7. Chapter 7

**Phil's POV**

Monday at school was hell for Phil. Usually, the kids around him would only continue their private conversations with their friends and not even take a single glance towards Phil. Now, they all turned their heads as he walked down the hall and into his class, he assumed he was soon to be put into their conversations. Phil had just gotten here, and he already knew that today was going to be shit.

Just like the weekend.

All of the weekend Dan was blowing up Phil's phone ever since he dropped him off at his house on Friday. Dan didn't seem to think ahead of time and how driving was not something he should be doing after the party, so he just left his car at Chris' and walked Phil home. It was a bit of a long walk, but neither of them cared as the walk was still full of wasted banter.

But, when Phil woke up the next morning he remembered everything, including the passionate goodnight kiss Dan gave Phil before he walked inside. Phil refused to check any social media all weekend, he knew the news of Dan grinding against him was all over the internet. Dan blew Phil's phone up with I'm sorry texts, begging him to let him explain.

In reality, Phil knew there was nothing to explain. Dan was drunk, and then gay shit happened; The end. The school now knows that Phil was either gay, or just a nerd who can't even resist the famous Dan Howell.

They were right.

He really was weak.

He couldn't resist Dan.

Every time Dan sent a text, or called, or even came over to his house at one point, it took every bone in his body to not let himself comply to Dan's desperate attempts of explaining things. Because he knew all he was to Dan was another victim to have a good time with. Dan was straight, so he was just one of those pricks who used the gay guy to have a good time when he's feeling like trying something not so "normal." Phil knew that had to be it.

And it almost brought him to tears just thinking about how much Dan actually got to him now.

The worst part about today though was that Phil had Dan in three of his four classes, not including his free period. Phil knew as soon as Dan laid eyes on him he wouldn't stop apologizing until he would listen... And Phil knew that eventually he would break and listen to Dan's words that would only manipulate him into thinking he was something to Dan when in reality he was just some toy... Just like all the others.

**Dan's POV**

As soon as Dan got to school, he was faced with two options. Go after Alice who was so ready to cut his head off, or try to explain to Phil that he was sorry. Both he knew wouldn't end well, and the second option he wanted to do so badly. But, he didn't even know what to say to Phil that sounded even remotely rational.

'Hey, sorry I kissed you passionately goodnight on your doorstep and grinded against you at a party. As the player of this school who even appears straight, I don't exactly regret anything I did that night other than dong it under the influence. Oh, and even if you do believe me, I've only really known you for a week, so I'm still not entirely sure if I should change my entire lifestyle for some dork that I kind-of-sorta-might have feelings for.'

Yeah, that'll probably get Phil right into his arms.

Even if the speech didn't sound promising, it took every bone in Dan's body not to go after Phil.

"Hey, Alice! Babe, can we please talk about this?" Dan calls, chasing after Alice, who stops as soon as she hears Dan's voice.

Alice looks Dan in the eyes with emotions so mixed together he wasn't sure what she was going to do next. She keeps this stare for a while, and Dan almost thinks there is a chance she would kiss him. Even if she did, he didn't know if it would make anything easier on them both.

Instead, Alice's hand lifts up and slaps Dan across the face.

"I don't ever want to hear you calling me babe anymore. I'm not your damn babe, and you've clearly shown that your dumb ass nerd English partner is much more attractive than I am."

"No, no Alice, that isn't true. I was drunk off my ass, and Phil was just there." Dan defends himself, his eyes desperate. He tried hard not feel hurt by Alice's insults towards Phil.

"Sweetheart, I love you more than anything on this planet, you are nothing compared to Phil." He says with a soft voice, stepping closer to her.

He tries to grab for her hand but she quickly slaps him away. "I think you're saying that to the wrong person, Dan," Her voice is serious now, there's still a hint of anger to it though. "You haven't so much as put any kind of emotion into our kisses except for lust. My friend lives across the street from Phil and she saw you kissing him. It looked like a pretty sober and passionate one to her."

Dan holds out his hand, about to protest, but he both has no words and is stopped by Alice. "Just stop lying to yourself Dan," There's a break in her voice, Dan's never seen this side of any of his exes before. "You don't want me back because you love me, you want me back because you're scared to admit that all you are is just some gay fag."

Dan is completely caught off guard by her slur. He steps back, immediately losing the motivation to try and get this girl back in any way possible. "Alice, I know you are probably really overwhelmed right now, but there is never an excuse to use that word." He tries to speak calmly, but there was irritation in his voice. He never took insults like that lightly.

"Oh, so now you are gonna scold me for using some dumbass slur? Just go cry to your nerdy boyfriend, maybe he can go read you a story. Seems like that's the only thing he's good for." She scoffs, her sorrow turning back to anger.

"Alice, I-" Dan sighs, shaking his head. "You know what? Never mind. I don't even want to fight for you anymore. You know, it's sad when the player of the school doesn't even want to chase after someone he has yet to get in his bed." He replies simply, his last sentence meant to be a joke, but his tone not matching it at all.

Without letting her speak anymore, he walks away. That was literally the first time he's ever turned a girl down. He's definitely been "dumped" before, but he always finds his way into their bed somehow. But, Dan has never purposefully told a girl he was officially not trying with her anymore.

Phil was changing him even after only a week.

And Dan wanted to say it was for the best, but he never was one for change.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fellow trash cans.
> 
> Any of my readers in America, let's all figure out where we are moving.
> 
> Readers of the England, Im sorry to inform you but one of your people have offered me your queens corgi's...  
> And I am stealing them all.  
> (Shout out to that friend who I know is reading this)
> 
> Anyways. Now that Ive announced that. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, Im actually starting to get the entire layout of this story, so yay ^^
> 
> I hope you all liked it. I'll see you guys next week~
> 
> P.S.  
> Don't worry, the corgi's will be safe with me, as doggos are more precious to me than humans.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Peoples. Soz the update is late in the week. It's been a stressful few days and yesterday was my birthday, so I was kinda distracted.

**Phil's POV**

Dan didn't try and talk to him in first period.

Or second.

Or during free period.

Dan only kept his gaze ahead, not really stealing any glances at him either. Or, Phil didn't think so, at least. Honestly, Phil knew he should probably be relieved that Dan is most likely respecting his rejection of an apology, but there's a pit in his stomach and he's kind of scared Dan might be mad at him.

Wait, why did Phil care if Dan was mad at him?

And what reason would Dan have to be mad at Phil!?

Phil tries not to think over it too much. The human mind is destined to worry if someone you expected to talk to you ended up doing the exact opposite.

The bell just signaled the end of the school day, and Phil is grateful that he can just go home and have a day to himself for once since this situation. He's decided that having Dan this past week only caused excitement in his life, both the bad and the good kind. If Phil would've let Dan completely into his life, the next thing he knew he could end up like some pot head who relies on a friend with benefit for his only source of pleasure.

As Phil is walking out the front doors of the school, he glances at the side of the building to see Dan gathered with his normal group of friends. No one seemed to hate on Dan for what happened, they just played it as him being his usual, reckless, self.

Just as Phil is about to turn his attention back to the front, he runs straight into a student. When they both stand up, the student notices who Phil is, and his facial expressions turns cold.

"Watch it, freak. Just because you let the man whore of the school grind against you, doesn't mean everyone else will," He scoffs. "Hell, you'd be lucky if you ended up with anything but a book in your bed."

The boy shoves past Phil roughly. "Try just being drunk the rest of your life, that might do you some good." He mutters into Phil's ear before storming off.

Phil rolls his eyes. He really wished he could just remain invisible. Because, unlike Dan, Phil's reputation didn't consist of anything close to the careless attitude he had.  
                           ***

Once he gets home, he's greeted by Alex's large smile. Phil honestly didn't know why his brother was still here. He didn't need some babysitter when his parents were away, and Alex had responsibilities of his own; like actually going to the university he should be at by now.

"Hey Phil, how was school? Did the people react as bad as you thought?"

Phil collapses onto the couch next to his brother. If he didn't feel so defeated right now, he wouldn't have even acknowledged Alex's existence. "I don't know, Alex. They sure as hell didn't react to it well. And the worst part is, no one even gives two flying fucks about Dan!" He exclaims, his exhaustion turning to anger. "Not only that, but Dan didn't even mutter a single word to me today. I mean, the least he could do is apologize, or at the most, shoot me an apologetic glance." He sighs, closing his eyes and trying to ignore the headache that is beginning to form.  
"And the worst part is, I still have that dumb project that I have to do with him." Phil finishes, muttering into his hands.

Alex places his hand on Phil's back. "Hey, Phil, calm down. I know you have a lot of things going on up there, but I think you need to try and talk to Dan about this."

Phil scoffs, looking over at Alex. He's about to speak when something clicks in his brain. He stands up, any expressions of stress fading from his face. "Yeah, alright. I think I'll give him a call then." Before he can reply, Phil rushes up the stairs, dialing Dan's number into his phone.

"Hello?"

"Dan? Yeah, this is Phil. I'm gonna need your ass over here now." He didn't mean to sound as demanding as he did, but as soon as Phil heard Dan's voice his blood began to boil just as it was moments ago.

There's silence from Dan, only some voices in the background being heard. Phil recognizes these voices as PJ and Chris talking in hushed whispers. "Yeah? Why now when I've been trying all weekend?" There's anger in his voice, and Phil tenses up slightly.

"We still have a project to work on." Phil scoffs, acting as if this is the only reason he called.

"Oh," Dan replies simply, the anger quickly being replaced by embarrassment at his quick temper. "Yeah, that's right. When did he say the reading part had to be done though? I'm uh, kind of busy at the moment."

Phil rolls his eyes. He didn't know why he let Dan control him so much this week. "The reading part is due by the end of the month. But, I wanna get it done as soon as possible so we can just get it all over with. Just, please come over so we can at least get through the first chapter?"

Dan sighs. "Sure. I'll be over in a few."

Dan hangs up and Phil let's out a loud sigh. He glances down at his phone, opening his voice memos file and staring at the almost three hour voice file titled "Always Running- Chpts(I forgot at this point) Read by Phil Lester". Phil grins down at it for a moment, but his eyes don't falter from blue fire.

As soon as Phil got back from Dan's on Friday, he spent nearly three hours just reading as many chapters as possible out loud and an hour or so editing it together (roughly, since Phil hadn't had much experience in editing anything that wasn't a report) all for Dan. He didn't ever know why he did all that for him, and now Phil realized the only reason was because of Dan's careful and kind behavior to him throughout the week. It's terrible Phil fell for Dan's trap, he really thought he was better than that.

Phil drops his phone on his desk table just as the doorbell goes off. He rushes down the stairs, calling to Alex that he was already on it. As he opens the door, his eyes go wide as Dan is quickly pressing his lips against Phil's, his hands holding each side of Phil's face. The kiss wasn't full of anything good. Only desperation and pure want he assumed. Even so, Phil still wants this kiss to keep going. But, only because he hasn't had a (sober) kiss like this in a while.

Right.

That is... the exact and only reason why Phil wanted to continue this kiss.

But, for once his mind takes over and he pushes Dan back lightly. Phil can see the fear in Dan's eyes as he looks down, his breath shaking. "Phil, I'm-"

Phil interupts, this was not something that was going to be addressed. "Um- I'll... I'm going to go get us some drinks. You can go up and wait in my room, try not to touch anything." He mutters, shutting the door then walking into the lounge to get to the kitchen.  
As Phil is crossing the lounge he can see the giant grin on his brother's face. "I told you I had the door. You didn't have to watch." Phil mutters with a glare.

"Phil, on a scale of one to ten, how fucked do you think you are right now?"

Phil pauses, thinking. "I'm not fucked at all." He scoffs, "I pushed him away. He played me within a damn week, Alex. There's no way I'll let him back into my life again." He states, then quickly goes into the kitchen and grabs two glasses of Ribena.

When Phil arrives up in his room, Dan is sitting on Phil's bed. "Phil, I'm sorry about a few moments ago."

Phil hands Dan his drink, sitting down at his desk. "It's whatever, Dan." He replies, his voice tight.

"Can we talk about things?"

"I'd rather not, and you seemed like you didn't care to talk about it when you were on the phone anyways."

"Well, yeah, that was cause Chris and PJ were there. I didn't want them-"

"Dan, just stop trying, please." Phil interrupts, his voice stern. He's glaring over at a surprised Dan. Everyone was trying to talk about this "situation" with Phil, and he was just so tired of hearing it.  
"I know what you're doing. I fell for your game enough to know this is the part where you try and win me back. Next thing you know, I'll be in your bed and then out of that and your life again just like that."  
There is an ounce of softness in his eyes that's trying to peek through the hard gaze he's sending Dan. "I'm not like those other girls you've played this same game on, Dan. I was drunk that night, and even if it was some drunken mistake, it wasn't like your reputation helps how it all played out."

Dan stands up. "Phil, you don't understand. I never meant to make it seem like I was playing a game with you-"

"Oh for gods sake, we barely know each other, Dan!" Phil yells. He sighs, starting to massage his temples as his close friend migrane is beginning to come again. "I literally know pretty much nothing about you, and it's not like we talked much until this week. Even if you claim this wasn't a game, I've got people on my back for letting the guy known for doing sexual acts grind against me-- the boy who is meant to be just some nerd or whatever."

"I'm sorry all that's happened Phil. If we don't know each other, then why don't we just try doing that then?"

Phil's head lifts up to look into Dan's eyes that are now dark orbs of genuine desperation and sorrow. He still couldn't trust Dan, as much as he wanted to. Phil didn't know how far Dan went for this stuff, so how was he meant to know if this was serious?

"I... I really think you need to leave. I'm sorry for inviting you in the first place. I think we should just start working on the project another day when there isn't so much drama."

Dan's eyes fall at the words and Phil can tell the looks he is getting now is Dan putting every last effort into this. He didn't want to leave this room until he knew that things were alright.

Phil's heart drops at the look. It takes everything in him not to just give up and forgive the man.

Dan stands there for a moment. There aren't tears in his eyes, but it seems like he's completely defeated. As he starts to leave the room Phil sighs, following Dan with his gaze.

"If you really wanted me Dan... You would understand how to show it. I can't tell when you're playing me, or if you ever were. I want you to understand that this entire week is something I was never used to, and I don't want this drama in my life, alright?"

Dan freezes at Phil's door, hanging on to every word that came out of Phil's mouth as he spoke. He lets out a bitter laugh. "Yeah," he scoffs. "Alright." He then slams the door shut, leaving Phil alone to realize just what shit he's really gotten into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, I'm excited to post the next chapter sooooon.  
> Speaking of, since next week is turkey week for us Americans, I'm going to be out town so you guys might get a weekend update?   
> It all depends how busy I am.  
> Anyways, that's all. I hope you liked this, I'll talk to you guys later ^^


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Happy Monday, I'm tired af.
> 
> Thank you all so much for the belated birthday messages, and thank everyone in general for any comments and kudos. It is literally a huge reason I have inspiration to keep this story going.
> 
> Enjoy~

**Phil's POV**

Phil's weekend was pretty much quiet. He actually did have time to not only finish his latest book, but start a new one. The only book he had that he hadn't read currently was some dumb high school romance. On occasions, he would be up for books like these, but usually he never was the romance type. He preferred fantasy, or sci-fi. Even if the book he choose for the project was a drama romance, it was more murder than love... or, that's what Phil convinced himself.

His brother left Saturday, wishing Phil luck on the Dan situation, in which Phil responding there was no situation. Now it was Sunday night, Phil's mum was meant to come home tomorrow, and his father next week. He should be in bed, but he was currently ranting to Louise about this current plot of the newest book he was reading.

"I just don't get it. I know it's interesting and relatable to young adults, but the teenage romance novels just have the same kind of plot line.."

"Yeah? And what plot line is that?" She asks, propping her head on her hand.

"Either the protagonist is new to the school and meets the lover, if they aren't new, then they just now randomly start talking and just so happen to not acknowledge their existence until then. Anyways, the lover and protagonist start talking, "fall in love" in some cute way or whatever, then some problem emerges but it's okay, because they'll get past it because it's _love."_ He leans back in his desk chair. "I dunno Louise, it's just kind of repetitive I guess..."

"Yeah, but Phil," Louise jumps to life, she was a sucker  for any literature in the romance genre. "The "repetitive" plot line isn't even the _point_ of a romance novel. The point is the adventure of it all and how they react to the problem as one, not just how much they promise they'll get through it together, but how much they actually show it."

Phil shrugs. "I dunno."

She crosses her arms and grins. "You're only mister grumpy over it cause your little year 10 crush is actually an arse who may or may not actually like you." She cocks her head, sending Phil a sarcastic apologetic frown through the camera. "You're living through a romance novel, and you just don't like it."

"Louise, shut up. I am not living in a romance novel." He replies with a small playful smirk.

"Alright, Philly." She crosses her arms.

Phil pauses at the nickname. It's nothing new from Louise, but it makes him think back to Dan... and the party, and... the kiss.

He grabs hold of his jumper sleeve tightly, quickly trying to bring his attention back to Louise. "So," He starts, quickly trying to think of any different subject. "Have you figured out what you're going to study in university next year?"

Louise accepts the subject change without question. "I figured I'd try and do something beauty related. Not too sure what to major in, but I'll figure it out. I've got a year after all, what about you?"

"I mean, I've got almost two years, so does it really matter?" He grins as he sees Louise's face. She knew Phil had probably thought this through at the start of Secondary school, if not the end of Primary.   
"I'm planning to major in English. Probably take a few creative writing classes. I want to move to London though, so I'll probably apply to a few universities over there."

"Great, my city is going to be infested with a book nerd." She says playfully, laughing at her own joke. "What are you planning to be when you get out of uni?"

"That, I'm not too sure about. I might be an English professor." He answers, clicking his pen absentmindedly.

"Phil." Louise's tone is suddenly serious, and he won't lie, it kind of scared him at the quick change in voice.

"Um... yes, Louise?"

"Have you ever thought about putting down that book, and maybe like, just going out to the movies or something? Just... Have you ever gotten yourself out there before, and understood how it felt to do something that doesn't only require you to be sat in a quiet area?"

Phil shrinks at the sudden serious question. He's honestly not sure if he has. The only time he could say he really did try something that wasn't exactly his forte was... well, this week pretty much.

He always kind of just accepted the fact that books just seemed to be more of his thing. Just like parties and getting in people's pants was Dan's.

"Why are you asking this question so randomly, Lou?" Phil asks with a weak, awkward laugh.

She shrugs. "It's just... I care about you a lot, Phil. You're getting out of school soon, I just want to know that when you become an adult you aren't going to spend your just life reading and working all day."

Phil can't think of a response, and he's almost frustrated that Louise is starting to make him question his life. "I'll be fine Louise. If I'm happy with a book in my hand, just let me be happy."

"But, you have to at least have some people to hang out with." She looks directly at the webcam. "I'm going to be here for you, always. But, Phil, you can't just go through life with only one friend. Because there are going to be times where I'm not gonna be there for you. Not because I don't want to, but just because I can't."

"Louise, what the hell are you on about?" Phil's voice has slightly risen. "I can control my own life. I understand that having friends might be good, but I can live without them. You've talked about me making friends before, that's why you wanted me to go to that party." There's irritation in his voice, and he's suddenly overrun with anger, quickly jumping to the conclusion that Louise was just over stepping her boundaries.

"I only said that because I do think you should get yourself out there," Her voice is soft and cautious, she can tell that she picked the wrong time to address this to him, but she was a patient person who was determined to get her point across. "You have an amazing personality Phil, I just want others to know that. You aren't going to get anywhere just staying away from everyone."

She has something else to say, but she knows that once it comes out Phil will definitely put the wrong pieces together and quickly jump to conclusions. "I... I guess what I'm trying to say is when you were forced to be with Dan you were at least talking to someone, even if he is the player of your school. I think you should at least let him explain himself completely or something."

Phil pauses, Louise's thoughts on his reaction completely accurate. "Are you serious? You do understand you are telling me to go forgive some kid at our school who smokes, drinks, and is just an over all ass hole, right?" He leans back in his chair, letting out an annoyed sigh. "Look, I don't think you know what you're on about Louise. I'm not giving Dan "another chance" it wasn't like I gave him one in the first place. We talked for like four days and just ended up drunk at a party, that doesn't exactly make us best buds. I think I'm gonna go, I'll talk to you later." He dismisses, then ends the call, not caring for a reply.

He shuts his laptop and runs his fingers through his fringe. So now Louise wanted him to try and talk to Dan too? Did his brother and her not get that Dan wasn't even worth the time?

Phil had spent barely a week with Dan and already ruined his quiet school life. He thinks giving Dan a second chance might be the last thing he wants to do.

**Dan's POV**

"Dan, you alive over there?" Chris asks, looking over at Dan who was hunched against the brick wall.

As of now, Dan was hanging out with Chris and PJ at their usual spot which was a broken down abandoned warehouse that was some reason close to Chris' place. They were passing around a joint which Dan had refused majority of the time, only accepting it once or twice, then staying in the same position with his gaze looking distant and his conversation with his two friends scarce.

"I think he's hung up over Alice, dude." PJ answers for Dan, taking the joint from Chris and putting it in his mouth.

Dan broke from his trance, looking over at them both. "I couldn't care less about Alice, mate. I've had so many others better than her."

"Alright, so what's got you looking like some pysch. patient then?" PJ asks, holding out the joint to Dan.

He refuses it, shaking his head. "It's nothing really. Just some things that have got me completely evaluating my actions for the past three years." He let's out a long sigh, "I really hate this." He mutters.

"You probably just need to get back out there. What girls on your list next?" Chris suggests. He never was one to get serious at first.

"I... Actually don't know. I kind of wanna be done with sleeping around honestly."

Both Chris and PJ freeze, staring at Dan in shock. "Are you serious? You've been going after all the girls in school since the end of year 10. Whatever is bothering you must be serious. Is it a girl?" Chris sits up quickly, his eyes widening. "Dude, do you actually have real feelings for a chick?!"

"What? No, don't be dumb, Chris. It's not a girl I guess. I don't really have "feelings" for anyone as of now."

"Is it a guy?" PJ asks frankly.

Whereas Chris was one to quickly make jokes out of a serious situation, PJ always just got to the chase, not caring if the questions he asked were personal or too much.

Dan freezes, caught off guard by the sudden question. Chris takes Dan's short silence as a yes and his eyes widen. "Holy shit, you've got a thing for a guy!? Who is it?" He asks, quickly scooting over next to Dan, roughly nudging him.

"Chill out, Chris." Dan shoves Chris away from him, slightly irritated from his prying. "I don't have a thing for anyone. It's just what I did to Phil at that party. He isn't even letting me explain myself."

"Don't beat yourself up about it. You were drunk, it's not like you meant it or something." PJ states, putting out the now finished bud.

"I know, but that doesn't make up for the fact he now has assholes making fun of him for it."

"Since when did you care about how other people were treated? It was his fault in the first place, he's the one who let you do that shit to him." Chris comments, all focus had now been put on Dan, and quite frankly none of them really knew what the problem was. PJ and Chris didn't exactly see one, and Dan knew he had just too many and didn't know where to start.

"I think if you really want to get him to talk to you again, you need to work your way there. Show him that he's not just another piece to your game." PJ explains, lounging out on a broken piece of wall.

He shrugs. "I mean... I guess you're right.." It takes Dan a minute, but something all of a sudden comes to life, causing him to quickly jump up. "Thanks, kinda weird I'm taking advice from two guys that should be stoned any minute now, but I'll take it."

"Wait, where the hell are you going? It's only Sunday, mate." Chris asks, both him and PJ exchanging confused glances.

"I'm going home. I've got a plan! You two have fun!" He calls back, shooting them a small wink and allowing a laugh to come after it.

Chris flips Dan off, a large grin on his face. The two then just hang out alone, going back to a different subject, completely unaware of any of Dan's plan.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit From Future Me:  
> As soon as I get home I am going to heavily edit this, so I'll be taking it down temporarily. I was reading it last night and actually screamed at all my mistakes.
> 
> I have never felt less dead in my entire life.  
> In case you are wtfing rn, one word;  
> Pinof 8  
> Enjoy this fanfic which will never top phan 2016 anymore.

**Phil's POV**

Phil groans as his phone goes off for the fifth time in about three minutes. He glances up at his alarm clock to see it was almost one in the morning.

The phone goes off again and Phil's deathly gaze swings towards it. He couldn't see anything without his contacts, so he slips on his glasses and picks up the phone from his night stand. He notices the text was from Dan, the message he sent short enough to be read on the lockscreen.

'Hey, sorry to text so late'

'Are you awake?'

'Can we talk?'

Phil unlocks his phone, propping himself up with one arm.

'Dan, you do understand that it is one in the damn morning?'

'I'm trying to sleep. Go away.'

He wants to end the conversation right there and just stuff his face back into his pillow. But, before Phil could even start covering himself back up with the duvet, he feels his phone vibrate in his hand.

'Haha, um... about that...'

'I'd rather not, as I drove all the way over here and it's really fucking cold just sitting on your doorstep.'

Phil pauses as he reads the message. When he realizes exactly what Dan meant he rolls his eyes and emits a loud sigh. Why did he think this would be a good idea, waking him up at one in the morning when all he wanted to do was sleep and prepare for the day of school tomorrow.

As he quickly slips on some black jeans and a long dark red sweater, Phil rushes down the stairs, not having anyone to wake up since his mum had called in saying she'd be getting in a day later than she thought. He slips on a scarf around his neck then opens the door.

Surely enough, Dan was sat on the steps on Phil's back porch. He only had on a black t-shirt and some skinny jeans and Phil could see Dan was physically shaking from the biting cold air.

"Dan, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Phil scolds, grabbing a large coat from the rack and draping it over Dan's shoulders. "You have a truck with heat for gods sake, you couldn't just wait in there?"

He slips on the coat he was given and stands up. "I dunno, just thought it'd be more dramatic if I waited on your porch...?" He suggests with a weak grin, his teeth literally chattering together.

Phil's heart falls slightly at Dan's clearly freezing state. Still, he can't help but roll his eyes at the excuse. "Dan, this isn't a movie. I'm not just gonna automatically fall in love with you when you freeze your arse off while waiting on my front porch. That's just you being an idiot."

Dan doesn't seem affected by Phil's words. "I know, I didn't think about it. But, I want you to come with me. Please, I know I'm a dick and everything, and that you are mad at me, but I really want to try and show you that I'm not really how I seem to be at school, or around the people there." His eyes are shining, and looking directly into Phil's.

It's now that Phil wishes he hadn't determined those eyes beautiful from the start of year 10. He sighs, giving a small eye roll. "You have one chance. I dunno where the hell you are going to take me at one in the morning, but I look forward to finding out. I suppose.."

Dan's eyes light up and Phil tries hard to hold back his smile. "That's great. Thank you for giving me a second chance, c'mon." He says, guiding Phil to his car with his arm laid on Phil's lower back.

Phil pulls away from the touch, as warm as it was. "It's not a second chance. It's just me complying to your offer of an apology." He states, opening his own door and hopping into the passenger side of Dan's car.

                                        ***

The drive to... wherever the hell it was, was spent in silence. Dan tries to make conversation with Phil, but he only answered in simple replies and yawns. He was leaning against the window, looking out at the scenery of it all. They were in the outskirts of their town, and the Phil knew there was a body of water somewhere nearby. He would've questioned Dan, but he didn't really have the energy to do so.

Just as Phil is about to drift to sleep Dan's changes the station, at first, Phil couldn't care less that it was Muse that was playing, he only wanted to sleep. But, suddenly he started hearing Dan and noticed him tapping his finger of the beat on his steering wheel.

"Everything about you pains my envying, Your soul can't hate anything."

Phil grins, still facing the window. Dan thought he was asleep, and Phil didn't exactly want him to stop. This was kind of amusing... Plus, Dan wasn't that bad of a singer either.

"Everything about you is so easy to love," Dan sings out, this line louder than the last. Phil's grin turns into a small chuckle.

Dan glances back at Phil, a small smile on his face. "What? Am I that bad?"

Phil looks over at Dan with a smile. "No, no, it's just... I didn't know you knew this song." He states, not exactly knowing what it was really.

"Yeah," He answers simply, pulling into an empty parking lot of a small shop. "I've been into Muse for a while. They're like my favorite band."

"Yeah, same." Phil replies, more focused on the scenery outside than on the conversation. "I didn't know you liked Muse."

"Welp," Dan starts, opening the car door. "There's a lot you don't know about me, now c'mon." He hops out the car and rushes over to Phil's side, opening his door for him.

Phil gets out warily, glancing around. "Where are we going? Dan, this is just a small town with a couple shops in it, and they're all closed."

"I just..." Dan starts, Phil scans over Dan and stops when he gets to the boys face. It was turning a light shade of red, and it wasn't that cold outside; honestly anyone who was around here was used to the cold weather in the winter by now. This meant Dan was blushing... He was nervous.

Phil doesn't understand why he's so important to Dan, he only talked to the guy for a week. Dan has smooth talked his way into a thousand girls, so for Phil to make Dan nervous by just being there is really something. Maybe Phil wasn't just an achievement Dan was trying to get. But, still, that didn't make up for Dan's entire reputation built up for three years.

Plus, Dan grinded against Phil and they were drunk. That in no way at all confirmed that he was into guys.

"You said that we didn't even know each other. I just wanted to change that." He finishes, starting to walk towards the sidewalk, guiding them both down the empty streets, the sound of waves clashing against stones in the distance creating a peaceful atmosphere.

He shoves his hands in his jacket pockets, the jacket still being the one Phil gave Dan when he was out on his porch. It was actually Phil's brothers jacket that he left, and because of their size differences, the jacket draped passed Dan waist and stopped at the top of his calf. It was also baggy. Phil kind of liked seeing Dan in something that wasn't pressing to his skin and was baggy for once, even if it was just a jacket.

"Alright then," Phil begins, mirroring Dan's actions and bringing his hands into his pockets as well. He stares at the pavement they were walking on, the street lights forcing their shadows to walk beside them. "Before anything happens. I just... Need to know something and... You have to promise not to judge me or jump to conclusions or anything when I ask it, okay?" He tells Dan, bribing his head up and glancing over at Dan with a serious expression.

A sweet smile is painted onto his face. "I promise you I won't." He says, his voice not only genuine, but slightly softer than was needed for this question.

Phil ignores Dan's such out of character response, and brings his attention back to the sidewalk. "Are you- I mean, like... You're straight, right? Like, you aren't into guys like that, are you?" He asks, his hands not being able to steady inside his pockets.

"Yeah I'm into guys," Dan laughs, looking straight forwards. "I'm bisexual. I dunno why I never did what I do to the girls at our school to the guys though. Honestly, I don't even know if I'm into girls as much as I am guys."

"Are you serious? How is that possible, have you ever dated a guy?" Phil asks, looking over at Dan.

"I think the only reason I dated a shit ton of girls and not guys might have been for uh... reasons." Dan's happy and calm expression falters slightly, but he continues. "I've had a boyfriend literally before I moved. We started dating in year 8 and then things got shaking when the next year came up. He was the first guy I ever dated. He was the one who helped me realize I definitely wasn't straight." He let's out a shaky laugh, looking up at the sky.

His eyes were glowing in both a mixture of happiness and sorrow. Phil would've stopped him, but this was clearly something he needed to get out.

"I know we were both young back then, but I seriously did love him, you have no idea. I would've done anything to keep us a thing until the end." Dan's voice is tight and Phil can tell whatever was about to be said next wasn't a time in his life that was the best.  
"But, my father found out I was dating a guy and he wasn't exactly happy about it to put it lightly. He had anger issues in the first place, so to find out his son was a "fag" apparently called for nightly beatings. Eventually I started to get really bad anxiety and depression. My ex was there for me but I just felt like no one couldn't truly help me anymore..." His voice is cracking and Dan's distant look is turning blurry from tears pricking at his eyes.

Phil decides now isn't the time or place for this. He also realizes just how much Dan actually went through before moving here and can kind of understand the reasoning of forming the reputation he now has. It wasn't an excuse, but it still made Phil feel like an ass for just assuming he was born a dick.

"I'm so sorry Dan. I had no idea you went through all of that." He replies simply. He's not sure what words are right at a moment like this, he's never been put into this situation.

Dan shrugs. "It was almost three years ago. It still terrifies me that I had that mindset and actually tolerated my poor excuse of a father, but I got to start over when I moved down."

He glances over at Phil, his expression slowly recovering from his recent frown. "Thanks for listening about all of this, I kind of needed it since I haven't talked to anyone about this since my psych I begged for when I first moved down here. But, I kind of planned all this to learn about you..."

"Oh! Right, yeah. I mean, there is seriously nothing interesting about me. I have an older brother, Alex, who you've met. He's pretty nice and we've always been kind of close I guess, but we aren't attached to the hip like some siblings. My mother does something that requires her to do business trips, and so does my dad. He used to be in the army, but he retired a year or two ago. Um... that's about it. I don't have many friends, but honestly I don't really care, I'd prefer books anyways."

"That's a shame. I feel like you could be an amazing friend to someone. Plus, life is kind of easier when you've got a support group other than your family." Dan tells him. They turned a corner, Dan following a small orange tabby cat that was running around with his gaze.

Phil kind of flinches at Dan's words. They were too similar to the ones spoken by Louise today. "I just... I could never start up a conversation. It's just a lot more easier to read a book than try and maintain a relationship with someone that can change."

"So, you don't have anyone to talk to, then?"

Phil shrugs. "I mean, I've got a friend down in London who I met from Tumblr. But, that's about it. I'm alright though. Like I said, I've got the books."

Dan's suddenly laughing and Phil's face goes slightly red."What's wrong with what I said?"

"No, it's nothing you said. You're fine. It's just... I have to be honest, it's always fascinating at how much you can get into a book."

"Always? Dan, you had to ask Chris who I was before we were even assigned this project." Phil scoffs, although this one didn't have much anger to it as his past ones did.

"I mean, I always saw you around, I just didn't know your name." He explains.

The two are approaching a pier that Dan is leading them out to. There isn't anyone there and the sound of the soft crashing of the waves against rocks is becoming louder. Dan props himself up on the railing and looks out at the sea.

"Dan, there is literally nothing stopping you from falling into the ocean right now. How the hell can you do that?" Phil asks, leaning against the railing beside Dan, refusing to join him on top of it.

He shrugs, a playful grin on his face. "I come here a lot when I wanna just have my thoughts to myself and just think. So, I'm just used to sitting up here. Plus, I don't fear landing in the water, cold or not, if I fall in so be it, I'll just go from there."

"Yeah, and then get hypothermia. You are giving me anxiety and I'm only looking at you."

Dan rolls his eyes, hoping of the railing. "Fiiine. Just sit down and hang your feet of the deck then. Unless you're too scared to loose your shoes." He mocks, a laugh coming after it.

"Shut up." Phil chuckles, joining Dan on the floor of the deck just as he suggested. He sighs, he couldn't see the sky as much from here, but the spacing between wood did allow some view of it. It wasn't much, only the moon shining bright and reflecting onto the ocean. They never got many stars over here. You would have to visit the countryside for that. "So you come here a lot?" He asks.

"I mean, at least every other week. Lately I've been coming every other day though," He sighs, laying back and closing his eyes. "There's been a lot going on in my mind lately, and I know if I avoid it for so long I'll just make it worse like back then. So, I come here, think, and just enjoy the scenery and sounds around me." He explains as Phil follows Dan's posture.

Phil smiles, unlike Dan, his eyes weren't closed. They were studying every feature on Dan's face. It was softer than usual when he was calm like this, and Phil can feel a pang in his stomach. He knows he's quickly starting to fall again, but this time he's not as scared to let himself do so.

"Dan... What happened to Alice?" He asks randomly, his voice monotone.

Dan's eyes open and focus on the dark sky above him. "Well, she ended up dumping me obviously. I tried getting her back just because I was scared to let go of this reputation I was so used to keeping. But, she said a few things and it kind of all clicked in my head that I've thought I knew her and who she really is for three years but, I was far from knowing who she truly was."

Phil sighs, his eyes now closing, giving Dan his turn to study Phil's sharp features go soft.

"Yeah, I know the feel."

"I'm sorry for that party, Phil. I shouldn't have convinced you to go and I especially shouldn't have done what I did that night. Both at the party and when we left-" He's going to continue, he had this entire monologue planned out in hopes Phil would understand and forgive him.

"Dan, it's... It's alright. We were both drunk, and I should've stopped you both times." He says simply. He pauses, there are words that want to come out, but they won't find a way to be laid out to create an actual sentence. "It's been a long week. I'm sorry I've been relying on gossip to learn about you. I didn't know you were such a cute sensitive dork, just with a hard shell." Phil jokes, the word cute just slipping out without thought. But, even after it came out, Phil didn't feel that scared of Dan's reaction.

Dan laughs. "I mean, I guess I am. I'm glad we did this- I'm glad you let me do this," There's a pause that last for about a minute and Phil is about to open his eyes when he's stopped by feeling fingers starting to entwine with his. "I- um..."

Phil laughs. He has literally never thought Dan could be this nervous. He finds it quite adorable honestly. "Dan, just be quiet. Don't ruin the moment." He says simply, rubbing his thumb against Dan's hand that he was holding.

After that, Dan listened. They sat there for god knows how long just sitting in silence. It wasn't awkward silence, and there wasn't tension anymore. This was just... peaceful. It was a shared feeling of safety, and for once, Phil thinks he can be sure Dan was serious with this. He really did want something with him, and in all honesty; Phil's sure he wants this too.

But, there's a thought still in the back of his mind that he would do anything to turn off. It's telling him that people might change, but push comes to shove they will reflect who they truly are the longest, and Dan has kept this act up for three years, and Phil knows he can't just turn that off at the flip of a switch. Everything right now was so perfect, but it was happening so soon. The back of his mind was telling him that this was all going too fast.

But Phil didn't care any more.

Because he was already falling, and the only way to stop now was to hit the ground or start floating.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, hello ^^! I am back from the dead and have gotten (most) of my shit together. Haven't published my PBB fic on here yet as I am still editing it for like the eight time around, but it'll come, I promise! Let's see, this series is going pretty alright I suppose, I'm quite excited to kind of actually write down it's outcome and finally have it all posted for you amazing humans to see.
> 
> Oh! Also, during my break I have started and outline for a new story/project that might be coming around may(?) or something. Things are in the making, and I want this one to be completely done before I post it. This is all the insight you will get for said project for now.
> 
> That's all then. Hope you are having a nice week so far, mine has been pretty eh.
> 
> Enjoy!~

 

**Dan's POV**

He's pacing around his room. It's now four in the morning and he's just gotten back from dropping Phil off from the pier.

The remainder of the night was spent in silence with fingers intertwined. On occasion they would ask each other small questions or just go on about something they were passionate about.

Dan lived for those small questions.

They were like small doors that opened to new, little facts about Phil's life and his personality.

He learned that Phil loved video games, almost as much as he loved his books. He really wanted to be an author when he grew up, but he expressed how much of an unrealistic goal it was and said he'd probably just end up being an english professor or something.

Phil's life might not have been as action packed as Dan's(thankfully, as Dan wouldn't wish his life on his worst enemy), but none the less, the more he got to learn, the more Dan's stomach dropped. He was getting closer to Phil by the minute, and as much as he was loving this, there was something inside him that was truly terrified.

He couldn't do this... He's made a life in this town that was completely different from the one he left, why did he have to make it hard on himself and find someone who could actually change him?

What would people think at school? Alice has already probably spread some rumor that Dan has hooked up with Phil, but the school never even knew Dan was actually bi. It's not so much his sexuality he was scared about, it was more his reputation.

Dan let's out a weak and sarcastic laugh.   
It's funny how when he first met Phil he was scolding the boy for stereotyping him and placing him on some social ladder. Now, here he is stressing out over losing his hierarchy in the school just because he'd stop fucking every girl he knew.

"Dan?" Jason's voice sounds from the darkness, causing Dan to jump. He's been in there for about five minutes and completely forgotten he still shared this room with his brother. "What's wrong? It's almost five, why are you still awake?"

Dan turns to the voice in the dark. He takes a seat on the edge of his bed. "It's... Nothing, Jason. I'm sorry to wake you."

Jason turns his lamp on beside his nightstand, causing Dan to squint even if the orange illuminating from the bulb wasn't even that bright. "You're lying. Dan, I'm not five anymore. Plus, I've seen a lot... We uh, both have. You can talk to me, that's what you always did for me back at our old place."

Dan freezes. He's hesitant to comply because throughout his entire life he has never been one to talk to his brother about his problems. They were Dan's problems, and if he put his brother into the mix it would only make his life harder, and he didn't deserve that.

But, their father wasn't here now. Jason wouldn't have to view Dan being beaten at even the mention of his ex. He wouldn't be pushed up against a wall and interrogated by their dad for him to rat out Dan whenever he snuck out to see his lover. They were safe now, that's what Dan wanted to believe. It's what he needed to believe.

"It's Phil, and school." He sighs, leaning back on his bed and staring at the ceiling. "We went out tonight and... I have realized I really like him. But, I haven't dated a guy since-- Uh, then. Plus, my reputation at school calls for a quarterly switch of a date for the school year, and I don't wanna do that to Phil."

Jason sits up, staring over at Dan's bed. "Okay... Um, I dunno if it's because I'm two years younger than you and things might be different in sixth form, but I feel like there isn't much of a problem here. Who cares what everyone else thinks, I know school is pretty fucked up, but if Phil is anything like Aaron, then you'll be alright."

"Yeah, I guess so. But, I can't take it if I end up getting shit for being gay or whatever, I just... I don't think I can handle that again, y'know?"

He sighs, looking at the ground. "Yeah, I know. But, Dan, we're okay now. Dad isn't here, and no one at your school can possibly be that bad."

Dan shrugs. "I guess you're right... I don't even know if we're gonna end up together anyways, all we did tonight was hold hands."

He hears a chuckle coming from his brother. Dan let's out a confused laugh, looking over in the direction of the laugh. "What? Why are you laughing?"

Jason shakes his head. "It's just... It's funny how for three years you couldn't care less on who you were with, so long as they distracted you. Now, one boy get's assigned to you as an English partner and he changes everything." He states. He's sat up straight in a criss-cross position, a small and warm smile on his face.

Dan pauses, letting it all sink in. A large smile coming across his face. "Yeah... I guess that is pretty funny," Dan tucks himself under the covers. "Now go to bed, we've both gotta be up in about two hours or something." He mutters, closing his eyes.

He ignores the increasingly large pit in his stomach growing from his brothers words. Phil was changing him, he was completely making Dan doubt his entire reputation for the last three years. Dan didn't know if he wanted this, he never liked change, the last time he accepted some kind of change into his life... Well, the last time he did that can be shown on the shit ton of scars placed around Dan's body.

Dan was going through the same process as he did in year 8. He was just more terrified of it's outcome.

**Phil's POV**

Phil groans at the annoying ringing of his alarm. He had literally gotten about two hours of sleep. He considers just deciding to skip school today, or at least first period so he could just sleep in for another hour or so. Then, he remembers his mum should be arriving in a few hours and she wouldn't be in the best mood if she found her son passed out in bed when he should be in school.

With a tired sigh and a half-forced yawn, Phil convinces himself to get up and picks out his outfit for today, exhaustion has become his best friend lately anyways.

As he passes by his window, a car horn goes off, causing Phil to jump, his head turning in the direction of the noise. He looks out the window to see Dan's blue pickup truck waiting outside his house.

Dan's sat in the driver's seat, a large smile on his face. But, before he could speak, Phil notices Chris and PJ sat in the bed of the truck. Chris is standing up in the back, waving his hand furiously in Phil's direction. His eyes are as wide as can be, his excitement equivalent to that of a playful puppy. PJ's sat down, leaning against the wall of the bed, only sending Phil a wide and friendly smile. Although, his eyes seemed just as full of life as everyone else in the truck did.

Phil shakes his head slightly in disbelieve. He doesn't understand how it was in any way possible for all three of them to appear so awake when it was five-thirty in the morning.

"Hey, Phil! Get out here. Unless you seriously wanna walk to school in this cold ass weather!" Chris calls out.

Phil turns his attention back to Dan, his expression unknown even to him. Dan's smile doesn't fade, and he only shrugs, then gestures for him to come on.

"Get a shirt on as well, mate!" PJ yells and Phil's face quickly turns red as he realizes he was standing in front of an open window with absolutely no shirt on.

He's thankful the window didn't go down further, as Dan caught him as he was in the middle of getting changed.

"I'll be down in a few. Just, don't make so much noise! Half of this neighborhood is still trying to sleep." Phil calls out in a hushed voice, then closes the blinds of the window and slips on a button up blue shirt with white dots scattered all over it.

After slipping on a pair of black jeans and quickly fixing his hair, Phil grabs his backpack off the floor and rushes down the stairs and out the door. As he is walking towards the truck, Dan is opening the passenger side of the door.

Chris nudges Dan, a smug grin on his face and an eyebrow raised. "Look at you, being a gentlemen."

"Shut the hell up," Dan laughs, turning his attention back over the Phil. "Hey, sleep alright?" He asks with a soft smile.

Phil let's out a single laugh. "I got about two hours of sleep, but I'll live."

Chris holds out his hand, gesturing over to Phil's bag draped across his shoulder. "Give me your bag, mate. We'll keep it safe back here."

Phil hands over his bag without any protest, nodding over to Chris and PJ. "Thanks," He says simply, then hops into the truck, Dan shutting the door and getting back into the driver's seat.

"So, what's with the morning lift?" He asks simply, looking out the window as Dan starts driving towards the school.

He's trying to avoid any unwanted silence and any conversation about last night. Phil didn't want Dan asking where they were in this relationship, he didn't really know himself. He wanted to be about five steps ahead of where they were, but his mind has gone into complete defense mode.

There was a human starting to talk to him, but that doesn't mean he should just start hanging all over him at first sight. His mind is also giving him a constant reminder of _who_ exactly was talking to him as well. No matter what, Phil doesn't think he can ever get that doubt out of his head.

Dan shrugs. "I dunno. Usually when it starts getting colder outside I give PJ and Chris a lift so they don't freeze to death on the way there. I figured I wouldn't want you freezing your tits off on your walk either." He explains.

He's focused on the road in front of him which was pretty vacant, give or take a few other cars he was sharing the road with.

Phil looks down, focusing on his fingers which were mindless messing around with the sleeve of his jacket. A silence filled the air. It wasn't completely awkward, Phil could admit that, but it sure as hell wasn't comfortable either.

This was kind of ridiculous, it wasn't like they made out or anything, they didn't even kiss for god's sake. Last night was just them getting closer and getting to know each other. All they did was hold hands and talk, so what reason did Phil have to call this awkward?

"So, where do you think last night put us?" Dan asks, his smile turning into a static line, causing the atmosphere to turn serious.

He freezes, mentally strangling Dan for asking the one question he absolutely wanted to avoid. He can't exactly blame him though, as it was bound to come up sometime between them.

Phil sighs, turning his head towards Dan. "I dunno. We definitely know each other better now. I can definitely tell you that I..." Phil hesitates, even if what he was telling him was the truth, there's a part of him that feels like he is making a mistake that can't be fixed. "I definitely trust you, Dan. Please don't let me doubt myself for thinking that." He finishes.

Phil notices Dan's surprise. "Thank you, Phil. I promise you, you aren't wrong." He tells him, every part of his voice expressing the large smile that quickly grew onto his face.

As they're pulling into the student parking lot, Chris is yelling out to all the other students their passing, giving them loud and enthusiastic 'hello's' and 'good mornings'.

Phil chuckles at his excited behavior. "So, those two back there are your two main friends then?" He asks, getting to finally have some eye contact with Dan as he parks his truck.

Dan glances back at Chris, still giving greetings, and then to PJ who was just casually waving towards the students that were sending odd glances towards the wide awake boy yelling good mornings in the student parking lot. "Yeah," He laughs, shaking his head and then turning back to Phil. "They've had my back since day one that I've moved here. They might seem annoying at times, like being a completely loud moron when half our school is dead, but they stick with me when I'm an ass, so I'm not complaining." He explains, hopping out of the truck.

**Dan's POV**

"Hey, Danny boy," Chris nudges Dan as he's passing by the bed of the truck. "How're things with you and Philly up there? You on the road into his pants yet?"

"Chris, I am going to literally murder you if you don't shut up." Dan laughs, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder.

Dan knows Chris' words are all fun and games, but there's something pulling at him from the words. He wasn't just going after Phil to get into his pants, right?   
Dan wanted to be with Phil because of so much more than sex. This was a first in years, and Dan's sure he's not going to let much doubt that.

"I'll apologize for him. After you left yesterday we ended up staying awake till almost a half hour before you came to pick us up and drank a bit. He might actually still be drunk right now." PJ laughs, jumping out of the truck, handing Phil his bag as the boy steps out of the passenger seat.

Dan rolls his eyes. "Of course you guys did. Ever thought of going through life without having to have a drink in your hand?" They all start to walk towards the school, other students passing by them, some not caring of Phil's unusual appearance with Dan's group, and others shooting him odd looks.

**Phil's POV** (A/N Sorry for the quick pov changes, I just realized how awkward but needed the quick changes are)

"Hey," PJ falls a step behind Chris and Dan so he is at the same pace as Phil. "Don't worry about the people staring at you, and stop looking like we've taken you hostage over the weekend or something. We might not be the best influences, but we aren't bad people. Chris might be a bit loud, but all three of us have little odd traits. Can't blame us, no one's perfect, y'know?" He explains, glancing over at Phil with a friendly smile.

Phil smiles back, turning his attention to Chris and Dan in front of them. Chris was currently exclaiming about seeing some cool movie about to be in theatres, while Dan was shoving Chris off of him.

Phil never saw a smile come from Dan like that. These two were people who Dan could be comfortable with, people _he_ trusted. They weren't bad, Phil understood that. He was just still unsure; maybe all of this change was just coming too fast. Phil was used to just walking to school and settling down in his first period and just reading whatever book he was currently trying to finish.

But, there's something about being around in this atmosphere that makes Phil really understand why Louise tried to pry so much for him to find some friends.

He didn't know if it was PJ's words that did it or not, but Phil nods his head. "Yeah. Yeah, I definitely get it. Thanks for talking to me about this, PJ." Phil says simply.

As they're going through the doors of the school, Chris turns back to PJ and Phil. He rushes to Phil's side. "Welp, mister Philip," He starts, lazily throwing his arm over Phil's shoulder. "Looks like you're hanging with us now. Welcome to the group!" He announces.

Phil glances over at PJ who smiles back, then to Dan who kept eye contact with Phil for a while. Dan smiles, one that Phil knew consisted of something that was just so much more than what it should be. But, Phil didn't care, he only smiled back, then nodded up at Chris.

"Yep, looks like you guys are stuck with the Book Worm." He laughs, shrugging Chris' arm off of him as they head up the stairs into their classes.


	12. Chapter 12

**Dan's POV - Thursday**

"Alright, so as I'm hoping, everyone here should be aware that you should be close to or even finished with reading your novels by now." Mr. Straut starts, leaning against his desk and looking out at all the faces in his classroom.

Some kids nod there heads in response, as to say they were completely up to date with the teacher's request. Other students face's went pale, as if this was the first time in a month the project even came to their minds.

Dan was definitely one of the latter of the students.

"To the several students who look as if they are on their death bed," He continues, looking around at said students. "Don't worry, as I did say you have until the end of the month, so technically the month ends on a Sunday. I'll give you tomorrow and the weekend to finish. Is that clear?"

Half of the class gave a silent nod, but a girl that sat in the front quickly shot her hand up, talking before being called on. "Sir, how will you be checking that we actually have read the entirety of our novel?"

Dan rolls his eyes. It wasn't really the question, just the person asking it. Elizabeth was literally the last person in this room to worry about that. She probably finished her book the day the project was given out.

"I'm glad you asked, miss Forester," Mr. Straut begins to pace up and down the aisles of desks.

Dan glances back at Phil who caught his gaze. There is genuine worry in Phil's eyes and Dan is quickly prepared to make this boy smile.

" _It's okay"_ He mouths. Dan quickly nods his head up to signal the start of a suggestion. _"My place this weekend, then?"_ He mouths this and then quickly after, he shoots Phil a wink and some finger guns, a giant smirk on his face.

Ever since that Monday, their relationship has only gotten better. They haven't exactly established a label yet, but as of now, it didn't bother him... he guessed.

Phil rolls his eyes and quickly dismisses Dan with the wave of a hand. His eyes widen slightly and his gaze switches past Dan.

"So, Mister Howell," The teacher starts as Dan's head turns to hear the booming voice and his body looming over his desk, his arms tucked carefully behind his back. "I take it that you've finished your reading portion?"

Dan looks up, his expression not faltering from a state of confidence. He never took this calling out bullshit from teachers. "No sir, but I can tell you that I am definitely close to it." He replies, noticing Mr. Strauts expression faltering slightly at Dan's quick and confident response.

He cocks his head. "Have you now?" He glances over at the book at the corner of Phil's desk, seeing that Dan didn't have his out like they were asked. "Always Running, huh? If you are so close to finishing– please, tell me what has recently happened to your two protagonists."

Dan doesn't even hesitate. "Welp, Kayleigh is pretty much depressed because she's lost the only available dick she can get. Meaning, mister Chad has been captured by the ass who tried to kill her within the first chapter," He crosses his arms, looking up at the teacher with devious eyes.   
"She's teamed up with the guy who low key wants her, and they are actually getting on the culprits trail pretty well. I would just love to continue, but I think those who would like to read it would appreciate it if I shut up right about now, don't you think?" He finishes, keeping his rebellious smirk as hard eyes stared back at him.

"Don't talk with that mouth in my class ever again. Now, pay attention in class rather than talking to your English partner." He says simply, walking back to the front of the room.

"He's not just my English partner." Dan mumbles so only he could hear it, making himself chuckle lightly under his breath.

"For Mister Lester and Howell, and those of you counting dots on the ceiling, I am not expecting a small presentation on Monday per sé. Meaning, you are going to be up here and telling the class the highlights of your story. This will be worth about half of the complete project grade. The rest goes towards the creativity of how you will correctly express the point of your story, is this understood?"

The class nods, no hands this time. Dan's thankful.

"Alright, I'll let you have the rest of class to discuss your projects," He glances over at Dan. "Or, to finish up your reading. Get to work on the rest of those few chapters, Daniel."

With that, the class breaks into small groups, some genuinely reading or working on the assignment given, but others just talking about plans for the weekend.

"Dude, Mr. Straut was not up for your shit today." Chris grins, taking the seat behind Dan, PJ taking the one beside him.

"How did you know the near end of the book anyways? We've literally read about two chapters of it." Phil asks, grabbing a chair and pulling it up to Dan's desk.

Dan shrugs. "That night at the pier when you were like, half drunk off of lack of sleep you went on at one point about how it's so poetic that this Kayleigh bitch is going after Chad even when she was well aware of the dangers of the hunt." He smiles, staring over at Phil. "Don't worry, it was hella cute to see you completely die over the romanticizing of kidnapping in a novel." Dan laughs, noticing the blush slowly creeping onto Phil's face.

"Oh my god, why don't you two just fuck already!" Chris interjects the small intimate gazes the two were about to exchange.

PJ let's out a laugh, covering his mouth. "Damn Chris, Dan starts flirting and you are already recommending the fun stuff. What, are your fantasies of your best friend hooking up with our newest friend not being satisfied fast enough?"

Chris rolls his eyes, shoving PJ roughly. "Yeah, that's totally it. My bets said they were going to fuck in the storage closet yesterday, we're already off schedule, I'm not happy." He jokes.

"Oh my god." Phil groans, laughing. His face was about as red as a tomato and the giant smile on Dan's face won't seem to go away. "I'm going to actually scream."

With a laugh from Chris and PJ, Phil turns to Dan.   
"So, mister smiles-a-lot, are we actually at your place for the weekend to finish this shit, or are we just going to try and pull an all-nighter tomorrow?"

"I mean, I'm totally down for a sleep over. I'm sure my brother won't mind, he loves you already."

"Alright, I'll go with you to your house on Friday then, and you can just take me to school Monday, sound alright?" He asks, his voice serious and his blue orbs completely focused on the task being discussed.

Dan admires just how committed Phil can be to anything. He could never just become serious at the drop of a pen, even if it was for a project that he was really behind on.

He nods. "Yeah, sounds great."

His hand finds it's way to Phil's and theirs fingers wrap together. This was a thing that was normal now. Only, they would usually do this when walking to classes, or during free period. But, Dan wanted to feel some part of Phil now. He just wanted to know that this was real right now, that he was actually safe.

***

**Phil's POV**

He groans into the book, the decently sized novel appearing as long as War and Peace. It was nearing twelve in the morning on a Friday. Phil was staying at Dan's for the weekend so they could get through this book that he once thought was one of the best things he's read. But, as of now his only opinion on it was why it had to have so many words.

Phil was laying belly down sprawled out on Dan's bed, his book laying in front of him turned to page 109, meaning they had about 208 more pages to go.

Phil figured they'd made progress but, with Dan's commentary, not much of the story was really processing. He's glad he read the story before hand so he didn't exactly have to understand what was happening. Phil loved Dan's small comments, he wouldn't want to be the cause of them ending.

"Hey, I've got a fun idea." Dan states randomly, Phil feeling his head that was laid on his back turn to face him.

"Uh oh," Phil chuckles, feeling Dan lightly elbow him in the side. "What's your idea, we ditch this entire reading session and make out?" He jokes, even blushing at his own words.   
Even if it was just a joke, Phil's not even sure if he wanted it to be. Dan was really starting to grow on him lately, he doesn't know if he would stop Dan if he did try anything.

"I mean, if you're down for it-" Dan's voice is pouring with sarcasm and soon, both of the boys are laughing loudly.

Phil sits up, pushing Dan back playfully. "Shut up. Now, what was your idea?"

Dan sits criss cross from Phil, shoving his hands into his lap. Phil can't help but allow a giant smile appear as he notices how childish Dan looks right now with his hair completely out of place and his long legs awkwardly crossing over each other, his pajama pants rolling up to reveal part of his legs that is to Phil's surprise fairly smooth.

"Let's go to a random page with a shit ton of dialogue and just read it!" He exclaims, the biggest grin on his face as if this is the best idea he's ever had.

Phil rolls his eyes. "You are so weird." He mutters, shaking his head at the suggestion.

"No, no, seriously! Here–" He grabs Phil's book and shoves it into his hands.   
Dan then takes his own and opens it, looking down at the page number. "Page... 206. I'll be Chad, you be Kayleigh."

"Dan, why are we doing this? We don't even know what the hell is happening in this part of the book. Plus, how does this help us get to the end any faster?" He asks, humor pouring through his attempt at a serious tone.

Even during his protest, Phil still turns to the page.

"It doesn't at all, that's the point! I'm tired of reading for tonight. I just wanna have some kind of good memory of this god awful book." Dan explains, causing Phil to suppress a laugh.

Before he can reply, Dan looks down at the book. "Alright, let's go!"

Dan clears his throat. Phil's sure if he kept this up his face was going to hurt from smiling so much. "Chad sighs, his hair falling into his eyes as he peers down at the ground below them both. The sun was starting to set, but his only focus was on the people below him. He wondered how the world can be so calm when the girl beside him was going through so much."

" _I'm sorry this all became so complicated,"_ Dan speaks, his gaze flicking up to Phil, his eyes filling with desperation and sympathy, just as the book had described. _"I want to find out who's behind all of this, so you don't have to be so scared to be alone anymore."_

Phil stays latched onto Dan's stare for a moment, still doubtful about all of this.

He raises an eyebrow. "Alright, I guess we are actually doing this then. You seem great at this, ever thought of going into theater?"

Dan only grins. Phil then quickly realizes he won't be getting a response to anything out of character until the scene was over, so he just looks down at the book.

" _Thank you so much, Chad. For everything, I'm serious."_

"Her eyes are soft when they meet his. She smiles lightly when noticing the hopeful expression the man beside him held. She didn't understand how he could remain so positive through all of this. But, she wasn't complaining. She needed to get her hope from somewhere." Dan narrates.

" _I'm glad you stayed here with me. You could have just left after dropping me off at the hospital that night. If you did that then your life wouldn't be at risk too."_

"She looks back down at the floor, starring intently at their two shadows coming together."

" _Sometimes I wish you did, your life would be easier... You'd be safe."_

Phil's caught off guard as Dan is lifting his chin up, forcing blue eyes to meet brown ones. _"Don't say that, Kayleigh. I chose to stay with you through all of this because you are worth every trouble in the world."_ Dan's eyes soften. This action wasn't apart of the story. _"I've learned to care about you..."_

He comes closer, their lips just centimeters apart. Phil feels his stomach drop. This would be there first actual kiss that wasn't out of drunkenness or desperation.

Did Phil really want this?

"I do care about you, _Phil_." Dan's voice comes out soft.

He glances down at Phil's lips before slowly laying the book down beside him and leaning in, one hand being placed on Phil's cheek and the other carefully situated on his waist.

The answer was yes. Yes, Phil really, really wanted this.

Phil kisses back, scooting closer to Dan. He smiles into this kiss, placing his arms around Dan's waist.   
This was great, it felt... right.

When they part from the kiss, Phil only grins, looking Dan up and down. For once, roles were switched and Dan's face was completely red, a sheepish smile accompanying soft eyes with a hint of worry.

"So– that _definitely_ wasn't in the book." Phil chuckles, glancing over at Dan who was now sitting on his knees.  
"Buuut," He sings partially, his hand sliding from Dan's knee to his side all while he was scooting closer. "I am definitely not complaining." He smirks, leaning in for another kiss, his heart skipping a beat at the feel of Dan's large smile forming during the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N  
> Ahhhh, guys I honestly loved writing this chapter and I really hope you all enjoyed reading it. I've been dying to write a kissing scene and I never even planned for it to go as smoothly as this, usually my writing is pretty shit, so I'm happy that I actually enjoyed it this time.
> 
> Any who, I think that's all the commentary I have this time, happy Monday.
> 
> Peace~


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so before this chapter starts, it's serious time.
> 
> There is a large trigger warning for suicide and foreshadowing of suicidal thoughts. There is also a warning for foreshadowing of domestic abuse.
> 
> This chapter is just a big trigger warning for those two things and I apologize if it hurts anyone to read it. If any of you are in either of these situations, or both, please contact me, or your local suicide hotlines, or anything that will help you.
> 
> I have gone through both if these things, so I understand how this might hurt some people just to read it. Just remember, I might be just some dork on the Internet, but I will be here for you to talk to if you are comfortable doing so.
> 
> With that, I hope you enjoy. Thank you.

**Phil's POV**

It was Saturday evening when Phil found out– When he got to actually understand just how bad an impact Dan's father had on his life.

Because of last night, their relationship kind of progressed into a real one. Not just this 'I'm not sure' kind of thing.

Both of them were sure.

That kiss made Phil completely sure.

They spent half the day with Phil just pressed against Dan. He wasn't scared of this just being some kind of game anymore. The truth was, he just didn't care. The voice in his head that was usually filling his mind with warnings eventually became numb— Phil was tired of listening to something he very well knew he couldn't trust. Dan was a good guy with a sad backstory, the point was that he was not treating Phil how he treated the tons of other girls he used to go back and forth with at school. Phil had met the real Dan, and he was currently laying beside him with an arm wrapped protectively around Phil's waist.

It wasn't until after dinner that Phil noticed it; or— them, really.

Dan's mother was working night shift, so it was up to them to figure out dinner for three. Phil had suggested pizza, but Dan insisted he make a special Indian dish that he'd recently discovered.

As Dan was reaching for something in the cupboard, his shirt went up slightly as he stretched. When Phil watched, he noticed a darkened spot peaking out on his waist.

"Dan, what's up with your hip?" Phil had asked, walking over to the boy, about to rub over the area he had discovered.

Before Phil could do anything, Dan flinched away, his recently bright eyes turning to worry. "It's uh– nothing." He turned back towards the ingredients he had gathered, starting to work on the dish. "I just bumped into the edge of the bathroom sink, that's all."

This was mistake number one that Phil had made that night.

He knew it was a lie, and that there was definitely something more to Dan's words. But, he wasn't in the mood to start anything right now, so he only stepped beside Dan and picked up a giant knife, a small smile on his face. "Alright then. Hey, can I help?" He swung the knife up, purposefully swinging it in between them and dangerously close to Dan's face.

Dan flinches back, laughing. "Okaaayy— now I know never to trust you with a knife," He took the knife from Phil, slowly putting it back on the counter. "Let's start you off with a little something less deadly." He joked, then assigned Phil to just preheat the oven.

***

It was now nearing ten, Dan's brother was sat in the lounge, playing a game of Mario Kart. Knowing he was alright, the two dismissed themselves upstairs, Dan reminding Jason to start laying down by at most midnight.

Dan had excused himself to the bathroom, leaving Phil to himself in Dan's bedroom. With this silence, the thought of the mark on Dan's waist finds it's way back to the front of his mind.

He supposes bumping into the edge of the sink could have been a probable excuse. Phil had done that many times, so he was aware any mark was possible from that thing if you hit it hard enough. But, it was the way that Dan acted when he spoke;  
For the remainder of preparation and dinner, Dan seemed to keep a close distance from Phil, not allowing him to do so much as poke him.

It's now that Phil makes mistake number two; he's worried and wants to know more, and there are drawers on Dan's nightstand, so what more to do than open them?

Inside, there wasn't much. A few loose papers and pencils here and there. But, Phil notices the bottom can be lifted up, so he peaks underneath of it. There, he finds several bottles of medication; most of them being antidepressants that were long past the date of prescription.

The only bottle Phil did notice that was up to date was the Prozac that was left on the top of Dan's nightstand. He didn't mind that, Phil figured if Dan had to live in an abusive house for a while, he'd still need a bit of medication.

What did catch his eye was a medium sized black leather book placed underneath all the mainly empty medication bottles.

Phil grabs the book, quietly putting down the cover of the drawer and closing it. Opening the book, he noticed pages of words. Some were happy, but others— _most_ —were laced with words of sorrow and defeat.

He pauses, noticing a page folded and ripped from the book.

Slipping the journal under the bed, Phil unfolds the note. His eyes fall and as he scans over just the paper alone, there are tears pricking at his eyes. There were small drops of blood in some areas, based upon what Phil did read, it was Dan's blood— Phil was holding Dan's suicide note in his hands.

_To anyone reading this,_

_I want you to know, everyone to know, this was no one's choice or fault but mine. I've wanted this for months now, I was only too weak to actually do it. I was given hope where there was no room for it to be given._

_He's gone now, and I'm going to call him very soon and hope to god that at least he could talk some sense into me. They're fighting below me again and it's my fault; it always is._

_I'm tired of feeling like this. Like I have nothing left, like there is no where for me to go. I'm drowning and I have been for months now. I do not want to be in some hell hole where he gets to leave and I am stuck with a bastard father who thinks he can beat the gay out of me. I'm doing this because I'm completely finished. There is no more hope left for me in this world, please don't try and stop or save me, I'm begging you._

_To my mother, you are worth everything to me. I'm sorry you had to deal with that prick of a husband, and a nuisance of a son. You are a woman with a golden heart, you don't deserve a life even remotely like this. Please, kick him out of the house before he ends up hurting you and Jason even more than he already has._

_To Jason, It's okay. Please, don't worry about me. I will always be your big brother, and even if I'm not here with you, I'm still watching over you. Take care of mum for me, and be strong. Prove to everyone that you were nothing like me._

_To... My father; simply, fuck you. I am dying now not because of you, don't be selfish and think you did this. I'm dying now because of the shit you have plagued my brain with, because of the countless scars and bruises you have left on my body. I wish I could say there was a point in time I truly loved you... But, I can't, not anymore._

_And, to Aaron... You are one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. When I thought there was no light, you became my sun. You helped me find who I was, and that fighting for what you love is worth it. You hurt me when you left, broke me even. But, this isn't your fault, it is far from being your fault. You are an amazing person, and you were the best boyfriend that I've ever had. Just, know that even in death, I will love you._

_I'm sorry to put this burden on you all, but I'm ready to be done with everything. I'm tired of just feeling anything. My cuts have turned to scars and every movement I make the bruises cause my body to scream. My mind is infected and there is no medicine to cure it. I'm done with it all._

_I'm sorry._

_Sincerely,_   
_Daniel James Howell_

The paper is gripped in Phil's hand so tight to the point he is scared he might rip it. He's frozen in place and Phil would do anything in the world right now to travel back to when this letter was written and stop even the thought of death from infesting Dan's head. This wasn't right, Dan didn't deserve to ever feel this way.

' _Because of the countless scars and bruises you left on my body.'_

Once Phil finally regains the ability to move properly, he carefully folds up the letter and slips it back into the book. He gives the journal a hard stare before placing it back where he originally found it, stuffing a page he tore out in his bag.

Just as Phil sat back on the bed, Dan comes walking into the room, one towel wrapped around his waist and the other around his torso. "Hey," He smiles, looking over at Phil with bright eyes. "Sorry, I just thought I'd take a quick shower. Just kind of needed it, y'know?"

All Phil can imagine from Dan right now is the broken kid he was in the letter. He's looking Dan up and down, contemplating where these scars might be. "Yeah, I get it." He answers simply, his voice distant.

"Everything alright?" He asks, pulling out a pair of Pajama clothes and some underwear.  
"Um..." Dan coughs awkwardly after a few moments with no reply. "Look, I know we ended up pretty close and all last night, but I didn't think you were the kind of guy to start eye fucking me on day one." He jokes, gesturing for Phil to turn around so he could get his shirt on.

"Oh!" Phil's broken from his hard stare and his face goes a light red. "Sorry, sorry." He mumbles, turning around.

The silence that came after was actually destroying Phil from the inside out. Dan's scars could be visible now and he was just sitting there turned the other way because he was asked by the man he was now _dating_. Phil turns his head.

This was mistake number three, the final mistake. As he turns, he notices Dan bending down to get his shirt that fell out of his hand. His entire back had been exposed, meaning Phil was greeted by countless amounts of scars from scratch marks to cigarette burns.

Dan quickly turns back as he hears Phil's loud gasp. "I told you not to turn around..." He tries out an angry tone, but it quickly turns quiet and he's starring at the floor, his entire face frowning as he knows what is about to happen.

"Dan, oh my god." Phil gasps, quickly getting up from Dan's bed. "Where are these from? Wh-Who did this to you?" He asks, already aware of the answer— This was the doing of Dan's father, it had to be.

Phil reaches an arm out, about to rub over the scars and Dan quickly pulls back. "Stop!" He yells, glaring back at Phil, holding himself. "It's just... stuff from my father. I'm fine, okay? Just, don't worry about it, please." He mumbles, quickly putting the shirt on and throwing himself onto the bed.

"Dan, that is not okay. What was it that you were hiding last time, while we were making dinner?" He asks, his voice serious. Phil rushes to the bed, lifting Dan's shirt up to reveal part of said area.

It was a spot that was darker than the rest of his skin. It could have been mistaken as a birthmark, but Dan's action proved that incorrect.

He shoves Phil's hand off him, sitting up and looking back at Phil with eyes of fire. "Just stop!" He screams, causing the silence in the room to become even more dramatic.

Phil's only response is a look of fear and desperation. He knew what all this was, but, he wanted to know more. He wanted to hear it from Dan. These marks were serious, they were there forever and they deserved an explanation.

"I- I'm sorry..." He mutters, looking away from Phil's eyes. "Like I said, they were from my dad. That would be a burn mark from some hot water he'd ended up pouring on me. The rest are pretty much just cigarette burns, some scars here and there..."

"Why- Why did he do this to you?" Phil asks, his voice quiet. His eyes are soft as he is noticing that Dan is appearing to be starring past him as if he was looking at a memory that wasn't even there.

Dan let's out a bitter laugh, tears starting to form in his eyes. "I don't fucking know Phil, maybe because I was gay? He didn't need a reason, he just needed a punching bag. And... Usually, that was me."

Phil scoots closer to Dan, wrapping an arm over his shoulder. Dan's head finds the nook of Phil's neck. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry he did this, Dan. I wish I could've been there to help."

"It's okay, seriously." Dan's voice breaks, gripping at Phil's shirt. "I wouldn't want you to see me how I was back then. I was broken Phil, no one deserves to see anyone like that." He explains.

The two remained there on the bed in silence for a while. At one point, they ended up switching positions, so they were laying down and Phil had Dan tucked into the side of him. His breaths were shallow as tears continued to fall from his face. Phil didn't mean to do this to him. He just wanted to hear the truth come out of Dan's mouth.

"I'm sorry," Phil whispers, grooming his fingers through Dan's hair. "I won't let anyone hurt you like that again, I promise." He states, kissing the top of Dan's head.

It was a big promise, and Phil was completely aware of this. He knew what he'd just signed up for. But, he also knew that he would always protect Dan. Because, Dan was now apart of Phil's life so much more than he intended, and he was completely alright with that.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, not much to say about this update, but I can say I have an idea of when this series might end, so yeah.
> 
> Uh, side note, these next few weeks are my exam weeks, so I deeply apologize if I dont get to updating in time, Im stressed the frick out atm.
> 
> Think that's all, thanks.
> 
> Enjoy*^~

**Dan's POV**

Dan will admit a few things;

Like, it was his idea to convince Phil that they should go to Chris' party because even if he had changed his dating habits, Dan was always down to be the life of the party.

Dan would also admit it was his idea to have Phil just stay the entire week of school about two weeks after they made things official with that single kiss.

_And_ , it might also have been his idea to initiate a make out session at three in the morning the night before the party when Phil wouldn't stop going on about how Kayleigh had to skip town without telling Chad because that tied everything together and was the point of the title. How it showed that she always had to run from things now or whatever, Dan couldn't exactly remember because he was too busy studying Phil's lips as he spoke.

But, it was not Dan's idea to take that making out a step further, that was all Phil's idea.

It was Phil's idea to pull at the hem of Dan's shirt, and his idea to lay soft and careful kisses down Dan's stomach and just barely stopping at his groin. It was Phil's idea to look at Dan with such desperation in his eyes and expressing to Dan how much he wanted and needed this; how much Phil wanted him.

Dan's not having this thought stuck in his head on their way to the party because he regretted it — Dan _definitely_ did not regret last night, he is sure of that.

He was only thinking about it because he was both scared and surprised. He never would have thought Phil would be the one to break first, or the one to even consider it. Dan figured it would have to be about a month — more, even, before Phil would even consider doing anything. And, Dan was completely fine with that too, so long as Phil was comfortable and sure of it. But, that wasn't the case apparently, and it seemed the boy beside him in the passenger seat right now with the largest smile on his face that hasn't even faltered since this morning didn't regret it either.

His only concern was if this all backfired. Dan hated that the thought even approached him, but he was scared that if he and Phil ever ended things, Phil would think Dan in some way just had this planned since day one. He wasn't proud of the persona he put on for the last three years, but the way he acted then makes the thought of Phil considering that this is all some elaborate scheme even higher.

He hopes it never got to that in the first place, and that's why he chooses to carefully rub his thumb over Phil's hand that was laced through his fingers, a smile forming on his lips as he feels Phil lightly squeeze Dan's hand in response. Dan needed that, just so he could remind himself that he was happy with where he was now, and as long as he didn't screw up, the two hopefully would never even consider ending things.

"So, how long are we staying at this party again?" Phil asks, looking out the window at the rows of houses the two were passing by as they drove into Chris' neighborhood.

Dan shrugs, keeping his attention on the road. "I dunno, whenever you want to leave is fine by me." He glances over at Phil, quickly studying his posture and the boys bored expression.

What he also saw was a hint of worry in Phil's eyes which were paired with a small frown. "Phil," Dan starts, holding Phil's hand tighter, causing him to look over into a brown haze of concern. "Are you alright? You seem a bit worried. What, are you scared Chris is going to end up nude in the pool again? Cause, I promise, ever since that party, me and PJ have placed watch duties on his ass so that doesn't happen anymore." He asks, a grin appearing on his face at his own joke, even if it technically was true.

Phil let's out a small chuckle, but goes back to starring out the passenger side window. "No, it's not that..." He trails off and Dan can tell Phil has something he wants to say, but he's just too afraid to say it.

As they pull next to the curb of Chris' house, Dan turns to Phil before getting out. "Babe, c'mon, what's wrong? I'd like to know so I can help you." He prys, his voice soft and caring, it's a tone Dan's only used once in his life and towards one other person.

Phil's now looking at the dashboard as he speaks with a blank stare. "It's just– I'm a little worried that you might get drunk and do something reckless, honestly. This is your first party since we've gotten together, so I understand that the intoxicated you isn't going to turn off that player persona. So, I just don't want to end up turning a corner and seeing you with your tongue down some girls throat, y'know."

Dan's shoulders fall as Phil spoke. It completely broke his heart knowing that even now Phil was still not sure of how he would act around a crowd. He couldn't get mad though, as he could barely trust himself when under the influence before he started this change.

"I... Look, Phil I get that you are worried, I understand that. But, I can assure you nothing will happen."   
Dan sighs, noticing Phil only kept his gaze down, not even responding to his words. "Hey," He takes Phil's chin and pushes it up so their gazes meet. Dan shoots Phil a warm smile. "If it helps you feel better, I'll have one drink throughout the entire night, alright? You can do what you please with your intake, but just consider me your designated driver for tonight, okay?" Dan tells him.

It was a bit odd, Dan never thought he'd be giving up drinking at a party just for a boy.

Phil didn't quite seem to believe it either, his slightly wide eyes proving his surprise. "Alright," A small smile comes across his face. "Are you sure you want to do that? I mean, I know alcohol and parties are like, your thing to always mix." He asks.

Dan shrugs. "If me drinking will worry you, then I'm not going to do it." He opens his door, and then heads over to the passenger side, helping Phil out. "Now, c'mon. Let's get in there before some neighbor ends up calling the police." Dan jokes, entwining his fingers with Phil's as they headed inside to a world of absolute chaos.

***

It wasn't Dan's fault.

He didn't choose to leave Phil. All he wanted to do was go to the bathroom, but apparently Alice can't let him try and take a piss in peace.

She catches him right as he leaves the bathroom. "Hey, there is the famous Daniel!" She exclaims, her arm brushing down Dan's fore arm. "I've been looking for you. I heard you make these parties the best just by being here."

Her breath reeked of alcohol, and the beer in her hand proved that she was clearly far from sober. Either or, Dan is sure she would act like this, intoxicated or not. She was already standing quite close to Dan, forcing him to be close to the wall in this small hallway.

Dan quickly flinches away at Alice's touch, he back's up as much as possible, the wall behind him stopping him abruptly. "Yeah, I guess so. Tonight is kind of a calm one though, as I have some things to work on in the morning. Look, I've gotta get back to someone, so if you'll just excuse me." He dismisses, then attempts to push past her in a rush to get back to his Phil.

Before he can even get a few steps in, Alice stops him by quickly blocking his path. "Hey," Her voice is soft, and there is a devious smirk on her face. Dan tries his best not to show the slight fear in his actions. He wanted her away from him; _now_. "So like, are you still going after that Phil nerd in your English class?" She asks, eyeing Dan up and down, completely unaware of Dan's recent feelings. Or, maybe she was and just didn't give two fucks.

"I uh- he's actually my boyfriend now, and speaking of, he's here and I should probably get back to him. I'll just talk to you another time Alice, or whatev-"

Before Dan could finish his sentence and head back into the crowd of drunk teens, Alice pushes him against the wall, her nose just barely touching his. "I don't get you even slightly, Howell," She let's out with a chuckle that was complete poison to Dan. "You left a person like me, to go after someone like _him_."  
Her chuckle turns into a devious and deep one. "But, you're lucky that I'm a patient one."

Alice's hands are placed around Dan's hips and Dan wants to push back, but everything seemed to happen all at once, and he was never even given the chance to protest. "I'm not too patient though, I'm always greedy for one of your kisses." She mutters before smashing her lips against his.

In Dan's defense, he is one-hundred percent sure he did not kiss back or react to this in any way. His eyes were left wide open and his hands were against the wall, no where near any parts of her body.

But, of course, Phil had to walk into the hall immediately during the initiation of the kiss and ran off seconds later before getting to see Dan quickly shove Alice off him roughly. He wants to tell Alice off more than anything right now, but she didn't matter at this moment. What mattered right now was Phil. Dan needed to explain this to him– _now_.

"Phil!" Dan yells, chasing the boy out to the front of the house which had been the only vacant area on the property.

"Phil-"

"You told me I wouldn't see that tonight, Dan. You _promised_ me!" He exclaims, turning towards Dan with tears already falling and hands at his side in fists. "You aren't even drunk for fuck's sake, and that make this all even worse!"

"No, you don't understand. I didn't do anything with her. She did it all, I was trying to get back to you." Dan steps forward, making himself only a few steps closer to the small car length distance between them. "I would never do that, Phil."

Phil almost flinches at the sound of his name coming off Dan's lips, and Dan is amazed at just how fast his trust could be erased. "Dan, I want to believe that, I really, _really_ do, but-"

"But nothing, Phil! You saw about a second of what happened, alright?! I wouldn't do that to you, and you fucking know that. I know how I was in the past doesn't help this, but I'm serious." He takes a few more steps towards Phil, their distance becoming more reasonable. "Phil, you've gotta believe me."

Phil's eyes seem just as desperate as Dan's. "I really want to Dan. But, I don't know what to believe anymore."  
He let's out a frustrated sigh, glaring at the ground for a moment before shooting it towards Dan. "I just, I don't understand. I did trust you, Dan. I _gave_ myself to you, and trusted you with my body. That's why I want to believe you didn't do this."

Another step closer. "Then, please, believe that I didn't do this." Dan's voice was quiet, almost inaudible.

It feels like eternity just to get a small shaking of the head from Phil. "I'm sorry, Dan. I can't believe you right now. I just, I need to think." He announces, turning towards the road and beginning to walk.

"Phil," Dan's call is strong, but anyone could hear the crack in it. He didn't want to say this, but maybe it was the fact that this happened in only a matter of minutes. Or the fact that Phil only caught a few seconds and chose to end things because he couldn't trust Dan's word for the first time.

Phil stops, but doesn't turn. "I-If you leave now... I- I'm not chasing after you." His confident tone is much weaker this time, although Phil can still appear affected by these words as Dan noticed his fists tightening.

His head is shot down, and Dan know's he is hiding tears. "That's fine then." Phil's voice cracks, wiping his eyes, then talking confidently, his back still turned. "I guess that means you don't love me enough to fight for me then. It's not like you said you ever loved me anyways." He mutters the last part, then is quickly heading down the empty street of Chris' neighborhood.

Dan's frozen in the driveway for what seems like more than an hour. It was enough for Phil's image to disappear from his sight. There's tears falling down his face and he eventually find his truck bed to collapse in.

He didn't know what was worse. The fact that Phil didn't trust him, or that it was now he realized he seriously hadn't told Phil he loved him when Phil had said it countless of times. He wanted to. More than anything in the world, actually.

He was just afraid that if he said the words out loud, he'd loose the one thing he loved the most, just as he did last time.

But, now it seemed that Didn't matter. Dan just lost the thing he loved most; the _person_ he loved most. Not only that, but he just told that person that he wouldn't fight for them, when in reality he knew he wouldn't last the weekend without at least fifty apologies.

He needed his Phil back. Phil made Dan better, he couldn't let some kiss from some girl ruin it all.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there will be no update next week as I have an exam everyday. I hope you guys are enjoying the entire series, I appreciate every kind of feedback I've been getting. As of now, I plan to have only a few chapters left until I wrap it all up, so yeah.
> 
> Hope you like this chapter ^^!!
> 
> Enjoy~

**Dan's POV-**

Dan's feet feel like bricks as he's taking quick and hard steps into the school. He decided to get to school early today, as he had a plan to get Phil back.

The entire weekend there was little to no progress made, and the only reply Dan got back from Phil was; 

_'I want to forgive you, Dan. I want to believe you, but I just don't know if I can.'_

That text only pushed Dan even more to keep fighting. He was going to get Phil back, he wasn't going to loose him like he lost Aaron.

There wasn't many ideas going through Dan's head this time since his mind is clouded with more hurt as opposed to the last time this happened. Before, all Dan had to do was get a boy he found attractive to talk to him. Now, Dan was trying to get back his boyfriend who deserved so much more than him. A late night getting to know you session by the pier wasn't going to work again.

He's twirling the red marker in his hand with a small smirk on his hand. Not many students were there yet and only a few teachers populated the building. Dan figured he could get away with this. He assumed that even if this didn't work, it was still a fun experience.

As Dan slips into the bathroom he writes down the words 'Phil Lester is cute', leaving a heart underneath the dialogue. After doing this, he quickly infests the other bathroom mirrors that were close to Phil's classes with other sweet messages, his final one being 'I love Phil Lester <3' putting the words 'I always will' in smaller letters at the bottom of the mirror.

He sighs, putting the red marker in his  pocket.

As Dan approaches his first classroom he runs into both Chris and PJ. "Hey, there you are. You just left us in the cold out there man, what happened?" Chris asks, causing the group to migrate to the side of the hallway.

"Sorry, mate. I was just doing that thing I told you I was planning over the weekend." Dan answers simply, he's distracted by the students starting to pass by them.

People were starting to properly arrive now.

PJ crosses his arms in Dan's direction. "Do you think this is going to work, Dan? I mean, I don't know if you are going to get Phil back just by writing nice shit about him on the bathroom mirrors."

Dan shrugs, a small grin coming onto his face. "Well, the plan wasn't exactly to get him back-" His eyes light up and then quickly fall as Phil rushes past them, not even glancing back at Dan. "I just... I'm trying to make it known to him that I really do love him."

Chris sighs, shaking his head. "I don't think you know what you're on about. I'm just saying, I know you are into the boy, and he is still clearly into you. If I were you, I'd just go up and talk to him. Seriously, that will save just about all of this effort, y'know."

As Dan is about to reply, Alice passes by them and grins over at Dan, shooting him a small wink. Suddenly, anger over runs any previous emotions he had. 

"I'll see you guys in class." He mutters, headed down the hall towards Alice.

He hadn't talked to her ever since he abandoned her at the party.

Why the hell would he!? Alice is the entire reason Dan lost Phil. But, Alice didn't seem in any way apologetic, and that's what made Dan's hands ball into fists. 

"Hey, Alice." Dan calls as he gets closer to her. His voice comes out strong and demanding, causing Alice to quickly stop in her tracks and turn towards him.

There's a sweet smile on her face and her eyes are glowing in Dan's direction. "Good morning, Dan! How was your nerd free weekend?" She talks in such an upbeat voice, as if she's done Dan a favor getting rid of Phil.

It makes his blood boil even more, and it takes everything in him not to start screaming. "Don't you fucking talk to me like you're some angel sent from heaven that came to help me get rid of Phil. You know damn well what you did Friday was just because your an ass who can't keep to herself." He starts, anger spilling through his voice.

Alice's eyes widen at Dan's anger-filled response. "It wasn't just because I'm an ass, Daniel." She starts, her voice still calm, not even wavering from Dan's harsh words. "It was because you deserved it. You spent three years breaking girls who truly did love you. It was your turn to feel broken." She says simply, then turns and heads off to class.

As the bell rings, Dan didn't move an inch, Alice's words ringing in his head.

_'It was your turn to feel broken'_

Maybe she was right. Maybe Dan really did deserve this.

***

**Phil's POV**

Dan had written messages to him on every bathroom mirror that was on his way to all of his classes. Dan wanted him back so badly, and honestly, Phil wanted him back just as much.

_'This is the second time he hurt you, I think you need to just wait it out. If he really wanted you back, he'll actually fight for you.'_

The words of advice from Louise rang in his head. As soon as he got home on Friday he immediately ignored the twenty (literally) apology messages sent from Dan in counting, and started texting Louise.

As soon as she agreed to Skype, Phil quickly apologized for being so rude to her through tears and then told her about everything she missed.

About how Dan made Phil feel like there was more to life than books, about how Dan really wasn't a bad person, and there was so much more to the boys past that Phil would do anything to wipe from his memory. Phil told Louise about how he loved Dan, about how he loved him so much that he trusted Dan with his entire body.

He told Louise about how he was falling and just when he thought he was floating forever, Dan just completely put gravity in motion and made him fall and crash to the floor.

As much as Phil wanted to forgive Dan, and just give him the benefit of the doubt, he wasn't sure he should. What destroyed Phil the most is that he was refusing to forgive Dan just for his own selfish reasons. He didn't want to open himself up to someone and just end up losing them. Phil realized Dan knew little to nothing about his life, but Phil knew almost all of Dan's. He also understood that this almost made Phil feel safer, like if he did end up telling his life to someone else, that was it. Phil's life would be out there for someone else to be aware of, and he never really knew what that was like. He wasn't too sure he wanted to find out.

"Phil." His name is said quickly, and he's broken from his blank stare into a part of his and Dan's book that he was trying to analyze. Even if there were complications, Phil still needed this A.

But, Phil couldn't even find the complete point of this story any more. It seemed Chad and Kaitlynn's actions were just reckless and inconsiderate the more Phil analyzed it.

Phil's head shoots up to the voice which belonged to Chris. It was currently his free period and he was sat on a bench outside, Chris now towering over him despite Phil's normal few inches he had over the boy. He didn't see Dan or PJ around him, and he's tempted to ask why Chris has separated from his usual group.

"I told them I had to go take a leak, but it's not going to be long until they start doubting that. If you haven't noticed, I'm not the most reputable person." Chris explains without Phil even having to ask.

He leans against a tree that was beside the bench. "Look, you don't even have to talk, I honestly just want you to listen."

Phil closes the book, then places it beside him. "Alright then, I'm listening." He nods, gesturing for Chris to continue.

Chris' eyes turn soft and serious, and Phil holds back a surprised expression. He wasn't aware a serious side existed from Chris. "Look, I understand Dan used to literally fuck every girl in this school, and he was manipulative, and would do anything to get into someone's pants; but, I can tell you Phil, you have changed that boy into someone I'm not too sure I even know..."

He pauses, the largest grin coming on his face. "But, I'll be damned if it doesn't make me happy seeing his features soften and his smile change at the mention of your name or your presence. You've gotta just trust him on this one, mate."

"Chris!" A voice calls from the breezeway of the school, it's PJ and he's waving towards Chris, Dan standing beside him, shrinking at the notice of Phil. "Are you taking a piss on Lester over there, cause it doesn't look like that's a bathroom," He gestures Chris over with the nod of a head. "Come on, we were planning on skipping next period so we could head down to that area by your place."

PJ finally looks at Phil, and Phil thinks he catches a small grin appear on his face. "Philly over there can come too, if he's down."

Phil's eyes widen in surprise, he wasn't really expecting an invitation. Plus, he never  really skipped class a day in his life, and the time he tried, he ended up having second thoughts.

Chris' eyebrows raise in his direction, and Phil realizes everyone was waiting for a simple response.

He shrugs, throwing his book into his bag and standing up. He guesses today would be the day he'd stop being a complete square, and start living a little.

Plus, he also kind of wanted to talk to Dan about all of this. He wanted him back, so obviously the long game was not something he was down for anymore.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, so I haven't updated in a while and I hate to say that my updates are probably going to be more spastic until the end. I am currently taking all honors classes and one college class at the moment, so school work is most likely going to get in the way of my writing. Nonetheless, the writing will get done, it will just be unknown as to when I will be able to get complete chapters done and edited.
> 
> There are a few chapters left, so apologies for not being able to continue this schedule, I still hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters whenever they come out.
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me throughout this story.
> 
> Enjoy~

 

**Dan's POV-**

He was nervous, to say the least.

Hell, he wasn't even asked for his opinion on inviting Phil on a trip that was meant to be a break from all the stress in his life; said stress coming particularly from his relationship with Phil.

But, here they were, driving through Chris' neighborhood and now travelling about a few miles across some vacant land on their way to the abandoned factory the three of them have been going to since he met them in Secondary School. What was even more jarring was the fact that PJ and Chris seemed to think it was a brilliant idea to make a race out of running across grassy field first.

"I'll bet you twenty quid I can get across this field faster than any of you." Chris exclaimed, his hair wild and hands shoved into his jacket pockets.

PJ scoffs. "Twenty quid?! Mate, I doubt I can even find a pound in my wallet. The bet for cash is gone but, I'll bet you for the first drag when we get there." He suggests, everyone stopping just as cement turned to dead grass.

Phil shoots Dan a confused expression and he only shrugs, holding back a sigh. That was literally the only human interaction they've had this entire trip. Dan seriously felt like the car ride here was more painful than stepping on an entire pile of Legos bare foot.

Chris gives PJ's hand a hard shake, an excited smirk on his face. "Your on!" He turns towards both Dan and Phil. "Either of you wanna get in the race? First drag is like the best one of them all." He asks, an eyebrow raised.

"I uh- I don't smoke." Phil squeaks, his face going red. "I don't exactly run either." He chuckles, crossing his arms and looking at the floor in embarrassment.

Dan can't help but feel his heart twinge at Phil's nervous sight. A small smile pulls at his lips as he realizes Phil's innocence. "I'll pass too," He starts looking over at them with confident eyes. "I got a D for gym in year 9 for fucks sake and learned then and there running again would quite literally kill me. Plus, I'm not really up for a smoke right now anyways, you can keep that stuff to yourselves today." He explains with a humorous smile.

His stomach drops as he hears a small chuckle come from Phil.

Both Chris and PJ shrug. "Suit yourself." PJ says simply.

"Yeah, more for us I guess." Chris turns to the empty land then quickly takes off. "You two have fun, we'll see you there!" He calls.

"Hey, you can't just start with no warning like that!" PJ shouts, taking off in Chris' direction.

Phil let's out a single laugh as they start slowly towards the direction the two boys ran in. "I swear, those two seem to always have energy to last them for decades." He mutters, looking down at their feet as they walk in sync.

There's a soft smile that comes across Dan's face. He wasn't sure if it was due to Phil's casual tone, or the thought of his two best friends of three years; He figured it was both.

"They usually seem that way." He starts, "They're pretty great though, good when I just need a lift of the spirit, y'know?"

Phil only replies with a mute nod, and recent issues come to Dan's mind as a quick silence engulfs them both. No one has made Dan this flustered, he was always curious how just one person can alter so much of his mindset.

  
"Hey, can we talk about Friday?" Dan asks, sending a shy glance in Phil's direction.

He notices Phil frown slightly, shrugging shortly after. "I don't know, Dan. I mean, I'm more confused than anything right now, and you don't understand how much I want there to be an explanation to Friday-"

"But there is, Phil!" Dan's voice comes out high, throwing his hands out. "I did not do _anything_ to her. I just had to piss for fucks sake and she came up drunk as fuck and did all of that."

He stops abruptly, wanting to get a good look at Phil, for him to get a good look at Dan. His face was twisted into desperation, sorrow, and anger. The disapproving frown on Dan's face expressed his pain towards Phil's complete doubt, his eyes containing hints of more desperation than anything, but anger could be found if Phil studied him harder. There was a part of Dan who knew this wasn't right, Phil can't just judge him so quick without giving him time for an explanation. He can't just run away from Dan when he was just starting to fall.

Phil stops with him, his eyes widening at Dan's sudden loud behavior. "I..." He trails off, not being able to find words quite yet. Phil looks at the floor with a frown, crossing his arms. "I know that's probably what happened... But, there's a part of me who still won't let me get past the fact that you've changed so much, and just because of _me_."

Phil kicks around some dirt with a frustrated sigh. "I'm not that special, Dan. I just don't understand how I can change you so fast out of everyone else in our school."

Dan pauses, his expression completely going from desperate to soft. There's a sweet grin on his face and he steps in front of Phil, lightly taking Phil's chin in his hand and just barely forcing his head to face his. Dan's smile grows even more and his eyes go soft.

"I don't know either Phil, and honestly I'm just as terrified as you are... But," Dan removes his hand from Phil's chin and entwines it with his fingers. "What I can assure is that you have changed me, and I love it... I love you, Phil." It comes out quiet, but there isn't even a hint of hesitation as he says the words.

Because, Dan knew when he said it he was telling the truth. He loved Phil more than anyone in the world; he always will.

What should have followed was a kiss, or maybe a giant smile and the same words in reply. The entire atmosphere was built up for some beautiful, amazing response, and then Chris crashed into the back of Dan, his arms wrapping around the brunettes chest.

"Hey!" He exclaims, his lively  attitude not even wavering as Dan shoves him off, glaring at Chris with eyes of hatred. "You guys are so slow. Me and PJ got past this like three minutes ago. I decided to come check on you two before we started anything."

His eyebrow raises towards both of them, still oblivious to the anger on both their faces. "Do you want us to wait for you two to get there before rolling the stuff?"

Chris asks the question so casually, and Dan can see Phil visibly shrink out the corner of his eye. Dan decides to speak up, frowning at Phil's clear sign of discomfort. "It's alright, Chris." He takes a step closer to Phil, standing beside him. "I think we're gonna pass on the smoking today."

"Really?" There's a slight look of surprise that comes across Chris' face. "You haven't smoked for like, an entire month pretty much."

Dan only shrugs, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets. "I guess I just haven't been in the mood? I dunno, mate, I just don't feel like I've really needed it lately." He says simply, completely ignoring the fact that he's actually stopped ever since Phil. Dan gestures to the abandoned warehouse which was in site at this point. "Just go ahead and get started, we'll both get there eventually."

Chris shrugs simply, not putting anymore thought into this conversation. "Alright, suit yourselves then," He bounces back towards the area where PJ was sat alone. "We'll see you there." He finishes, then runs back in the direction towards the ruins.

**Phil's POV**

Phil smiles down at his feet, which were hanging from the broken floor of the ware house. As of now, Dan and him were sat on the second floor of the abandoned building, away from Chris and PJ who were currently getting high, which wasn't exactly something Phil was used to. It wasn't something he was too comfortable being around either, he learned.

Thankfully, Dan announced there leave from the two as he didn't want Phil to be alone and the two boys already on the verge of a high just responding with wolf whistles and "have fun!"s.

He had given up on caring about Friday anymore. Phil was so tired of being angry at Dan. He missed having someone there for him and knowing that there was actually a person in this world who cared about his existence.

Phil had been holding back a bitter laugh all day. He'd changed so much in just a month and a few days, and only because of one person. He hasn't picked up a book to read for fun in three days, that is seriously a record of his as he usually can't last a few hours without falling into the world that was written onto the page.

Dan said he loved him. That was the deal breaker for it all.

He knew that Phil wanted to hear that, he knew that of anything Dan could've said genuinely, "I love you" would be worth so much more than any apology or gesture he could ever give. Dan actually paid attention enough to Phil's emotions to understand what he wanted; what he needed. But the best part of it that really got to Phil, was just how much he could see Dan meant it.

"I'm sorry we invited you to skip class and you can't even hangout with all of us. I didn't really know we were going to smoke in the first place, but I should've expected it out of those two." Dan's voice is apologetic, his eyes soft as they glance over at the boy sat next to him, shivering.

The temperature has dropped during their pretty slow walk to the ware house, Phil wouldn't be surprised if it were to snow soon.

Phil completely forgot about him skipping class for this. In fact, he's pretty sure they've all skipped more than just one class at this point. At this rate, they'll probably just be missing the rest of school. Honestly, Phil was fine with it at this point. School was about to be out in a few months, and at this point his only concern in school was that project which they haven't worked on since the kiss.

"It's fine, really." Phil shrugs, "I mean, you didn't know that I couldn't be around weed without coughing my ass off, so not your fault."

There's a calming silence that falls between the two for a few minutes. They just sat there, no arms wrapped around the other or anything, they were just beside each other, no sign of a romantic want or need between the two. And, as of now, Phil was fine with that. He didn't need intimacy right now to know how Dan felt.

After all, he had Dan's loving gaze resting on him as Phil was just looking out at the scenery that was in front of them. It might have just been a few clusters of buildings making up neighborhoods, but the view from a higher perspective made everything look so much more amazing than it really was. Dan wouldn't know, Phil figured with a smile, he's not sure the boy has taken his eyes of him once.

"You look like you are really cold. Do you want my jacket?" Dan asks, but he is already slipping out of his jacket and placing it over Phil's shoulders.

Phil makes a lazy attempt to push the jacket off of him as a protest. "I'm fine, you need a jacket too. It is literally below freezing out here."

Dan shrugs. "I'll risk the chance of pneumonia."

Phil laughs, rolling his eyes. "You are crazy, you know that?"

His raises an eyebrow, his smile growing as Phil finally brings his attention to Dan's eyes. "No, had no idea. Care to explain why?" There's humor pouring through his voice. He was completely aware of his insane gestures, he just wanted to hear it all from Phil's perspective.

Phil takes a minute to just admire Dan's entire facial expression. To enjoy the smile on his face that he could tell was genuine, the way it took up majority of his face and being paired with his large dimples that Phil always admired about him. He wanted to just enjoy the many emotions in Dan's chestnut eyes; humor, joy, happiness, admiration, love. Just, so many things that Phil never knew could be found in someone all at once. He loved seeing people like this; he loved seeing _Dan_ like this.

"You sit outside in the middle of the night just to take out some boy you barely know to a pier you usually keep to yourself, you do everything possible just to make it known that everything about your life is now me. Then, when things all seem to fall, you just write sweet messages in all the bathrooms I pass by in my classes, and now you sacrifice your jacket to me, just some boy who you've only known for a month. It's just... weird, I guess." Phil's stare went from Dan's eyes to a spot on the ground below them as he recalls everything that's happened between them over just a short period of time.

"But, why do you think it's weird?" Dan ask, scooting closer to Phil.

Phil shrugs. "I don't know, maybe because you are becoming this... this even more amazing person, and it's all because of me. I'm not special, Dan. I don't understand  how I could make you fight so much for me. You've been with so many girls, surely one of them is so much better than me, some inexperienced dork who hasn't interacted with people so much in his life until now."

His head turns to Dan as he hears him start to laugh. "What? Why are you laughing?" Phil asks, only confusion in his voice.

Dan stops his laugh before speaking. "Well, firstly, I think inexperienced is total bullshit," He starts, causing Phil to blush. "Secondly, Phil, you are so much more amazing than you make yourself out to be."

He entwines his fingers with Phil's, a large smile on his face. "You were worth fighting for, Phil. And if anything else happens, I'm not scared to keep fighting."

Phil smiles at Dan's words. He leans his head on Dan's shoulder and looks back out at the houses that now didn't really seem too be interesting anymore. "Thank you," He says simply, nuzzling his head deeper into Dan's neck. "I love you." He mutters, closing his eyes.

"I love you too." Phil hears Dan's soft voice accompanied with a chaste kiss to the forehead. "I love you more than anything, Phil, I always will."


End file.
